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Areas › Your marriage › Fondness and admiration
Your patience, your honesty, the way you are with people. Admire the person, not the task.
The most honoured of you before God is the most mindful of Him (Qur'an 49:13). To see and name good character in your spouse is to honour what God honours.
الحجرات
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقۡنَٰكُم مِّن ذَكَرࣲ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلۡنَٰكُمۡ شُعُوبࣰ ا وَقَبَآئِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوٓاْۚ إِنَّ أَكۡرَمَكُمۡ عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَتۡقَىٰكُمۡۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرࣱ
People, We created you all from a single man and a single woman, and made you into races and tribes so that you should recognize one another. In God’s eyes, the most honoured of you are the ones most mindful of Him: God is all knowing, all aware
Qur’an 49:13read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Gottman's second principle is nurturing fondness and admiration, which is directed at who your partner is rather than what they did. Naming one trait you respect feeds the regard that carries a couple through conflict.
John M. Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown
Principle 2, Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration. An active habit of appreciation is the antidote to contempt, which Gottman names the single greatest predictor of divorce. Fondness is rebuilt by rehearsing what is right about the partner rather than by waiting to feel it.
Strength of evidence: seen more than once. Replicated observational or longitudinal work, not tested against a control.
Admiration for character steadies the fondness that buffers a marriage against conflict.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Share Fondness and Admiration; admiring character rather than a task performed.