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Areas › Your marriage › Shared spiritual life
The small choices reveal the we. Let one lean toward the partnership over the self.
The believing men and women are protectors of one another (Qur'an 9:71). A we in your choices honours that bond.
التوبة
وَٱلۡمُؤۡمِنُونَ وَٱلۡمُؤۡمِنَٰتُ بَعۡضُهُمۡ أَوۡلِيَآءُ بَعۡضࣲۚ يَأۡمُرُونَ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِ وَيَنۡهَوۡنَ عَنِ ٱلۡمُنكَرِ وَيُقِيمُونَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَيُؤۡتُونَ ٱلزَّكَوٰةَ وَيُطِيعُونَ ٱللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥٓۚ أُوْلَٰٓئِكَ سَيَرۡحَمُهُمُ ٱللَّهُۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمࣱ
The believers, both men and women, support each other; they order what is right and forbid what is wrong; they keep up the prayer and pay the prescribed alms; they obey God and His Messenger. God will give His mercy to such people: God is almighty and wise
Qur’an 9:71read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Gottman's shared meaning shows up in whose interests a small decision gets weighed against. Asking what is best for us rather than for me is where a sense of we is actually made.
John M. Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown
Principle 7, Create Shared Meaning. Marriage has a spiritual dimension built from rituals of connection, shared roles, goals and symbols, and a couple with a common sense of purpose weathers conflict that would otherwise divide them.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A we-orientation in choices is the felt substance of commitment.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Create Shared Meaning; a sense of we in everyday decisions.