Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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93 practices

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Keep something to eat and drink within reach for hard conversations. Handing someone a biscuit and a glass of water often settles a room faster than any instruction does.

Part of why it works is that nobody has to be told how. A person too wound up to follow a breathing exercise can still take a sip and chew. Sharing…

Five minutesExercise, food and other supportsMedical and treatmentQur’an 2:57One line of research

Keeping your eyes open holds you in the room while you feel what is going on inside. One channel on where you actually are, one on yourself.

Closed eyes are the default in most classes and they are not always kind. When a lot is stirring, letting the eyes stay soft but open, so the light…

Five minutesPosture and how you carry yourselfBody basedQur’an 15:98One line of research

When a past hurt overwhelms you, reach toward a safe person instead of cutting yourself off. Connection is part of healing, not a distraction from it.

Trauma pulls you to withdraw, but isolation is exactly what deepens it. Letting even one trusted person stay close, when everything in you wants to…

Five minutesRebuild trustTrauma informedQur’an 3:103One line of research

Offer your spouse one clear reassurance today: I am here, we are okay.

When they wobble, say the steadying thing plainly rather than assuming they know.

A minuteRepair after ruptureEmotionally focusedQur’an 9:40Seen more than once

When you are already behind, rest feels like the one thing you cannot afford. That feeling is usually what keeps you behind.

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Medication and how it works

Reading, numbers and learning differences

Feeling from the inside

Facing it a step at a time

Equanimity and perspective

Growing empathy

Emotions as signals

Cool the body first

Posture and how you carry yourself

What you are actually defending

Treatment and medication

Tolerate distress

Shared spiritual life

Breaking the worry loop

Exercise, food and other supports

Running from one near disaster to the next burns exactly the abilities you need in order to dig out: planning, holding a thought long enough to use…

Five minutesRest and pacingADHD skillsQur’an 4:28One line of research

When fear rises, being near a calm, safe person, or turning to God's remembrance, helps your body borrow that steadiness.

Our nervous systems settle in the presence of safety. A calm, attuned other, or a steadying practice of remembrance, sends the body cues of safety…

A minuteSafety and groundingTrauma informedQur’an 13:28Long taught, never tested

Real footage of people dying circulates without any warning, sometimes buried inside a video that starts off looking harmless. Young people rarely raise this themselves, so it is worth asking.

Ask plainly what they have come across that they wish they had not seen, and how often it happens. There is no preparation before it and nothing…

Five minutesScreens and attentionCoreQur’an 24:30One line of research

Among teenagers, saying they want to die has become something you say when the bus is late. You can no longer read intent off the phrase, in either direction.

So the words neither prove there is danger nor prove there is not. What tells you is everything the words leave out: whether there is a plan, whether…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCoreQur’an 4:140One line of research

When a death is filmed and passed around, some of the people who watch it are not all right afterwards, and a few are put in real danger by it. Ask what has been going round.

The question is simple enough. Has anything about someone dying gone round your school or your feed lately, and did you see it. Then ask how it left…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCoreQur’an 6:68One line of research

Asked what all the scrolling had done to her most, one young woman did not say sad. She said angry, more or less all the time.

Constant irritability in a teenager usually gets worked up as depression or ADHD, and sometimes that is right. Saturation belongs on the list too,…

LongerScreens and attentionCoreQur’an 96:6One line of research

For some people the online part is not a side issue sitting next to the depression or the anxiety. It is one of the things holding them in place.

One young woman with a history of being bullied found her platform use feeding the depression, the social anxiety, the fear of leaving the house and…

LongerScreens and attentionCoreQur’an 102:1One line of research

There is a rough ladder for tech overuse. Build a schedule together with some outside control at first, add substitutes once the person can stop for a while, then more intensive care, and residential only when someone is entirely taken over by it.

The order matters more than the rungs. You cannot install a better alternative in someone who has no capacity yet to put the thing down, so a bit of…

LongerScreens and attentionADHD skillsQur’an 17:110One line of research

Before you offer anyone the upside of their ADHD, say the hard part out loud first. One patient's answer to being told it was a gift was to ask where he could return it.

A reframe offered too early does not sound hopeful, it sounds like you were not listening. Name the cost in specifics, the job that went, the…

A minuteShame and stigmaADHD skillsQur’an 20:44One line of research

When a young person with ADHD goes through a first breakup or loses a friendship group, stay closer than usual. Do not wait for the next arranged contact.

Rejection lands harder here, and impulsivity shortens the gap between feeling unbearable and acting on it. A short unannounced check in, a lift…

Twenty minutesShame and stigmaADHD skillsQur’an 39:53One line of research

When something hard lands, say it out loud: we will face this together.

Turn a my problem into an ours. Facing it as a team halves its weight.

A minuteShared spiritual lifeEmotionally focusedQur’an 9:71One line of research

Put the rules up on the wall where everyone can see them, and put the child's own version on a card on their desk.

A rule that lives only in memory is not there in the second it is needed, which is the second something more interesting has just walked past. A card…

Five minutesStructure and routineADHD skillsQur’an 11:114One line of research

Some children need to move, and the choice is whether that movement is allowed for or whether it arrives as a disruption later on.

A ball chair, a standing desk, a seat near the front, or permission to walk to the back and return with a nod and nothing said: any of these let the…

Five minutesStructure and routineADHD skillsQur’an 4:103One line of research

Once it starts rolling, it gathers. A small exchange becomes a shouting match becomes something with consequences, and every step feels reasonable given the one before.

The cheapest place to stop is early, at the first sharp reply, long before you can see how far it has gone. Naming it out loud helps: "we are…

A minuteThe moment before you snapCoreQur’an 2:268One line of research

There is a stretch after anger fires when a person is feeling rather than thinking. In it, only information that matches the emotion gets through, so reasoning at yourself or at anyone else is wasted breath.

What does land in that stretch is physical and relational: a slower breath, a change of room, a hand on your own chest, a kind tone that asks for…

Five minutesThe moment before you snapCoreQur’an 12:24One line of research

Say it out loud before you start: you decide how much of this you feel, and when. Stopping for a bit is part of the plan, not a failure of it.

Being in charge of the dial is most of what separates useful contact with a hard feeling from being flooded by it again. If you are helping someone,…

Five minutesTolerate distressBody basedQur’an 2:286One line of research