Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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1384 practices

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Take one of the gaps you already have, the commute or the walk or the shower, and use it to ask what is coming up this week and what might be slipping. No new tool, no new app, just the question.

That turns something accidental into something you can count on. It works best in the same place each time, so that the place starts asking the…

Twenty minutesRemembering to do itADHD skillsQur’an 24:37One line of research

Half watching a programme while half answering emails is the worst of both. The work takes twice as long and the evening gives you nothing back.

Pick one and let it be the whole thing. If it is work, work, and you will usually finish earlier than you expected. If it is rest, shut the laptop,…

Five minutesRest and pacingADHD skillsQur’an 94:7One line of research

Rest is not the prize waiting at the end of the work. It is part of what makes the work possible, and it does not have to be earned first.

Self control runs down over a day the way a battery does, and the thing that fills it back up is properly stopping. What that looks like is yours to…

Twenty minutesRest and pacingADHD skillsQur’an 10:67One line of research

Certainty feels good. That sudden clean sense of knowing exactly who is in the wrong is part of what keeps anger coming back, so it is worth noticing as a pleasure rather than as proof.

Anger tidies things up. The doubt goes, the mixed feelings go, and for a moment you know where you stand. Take that away without putting anything in…

A minuteRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 53:32One line of research

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Grounding and settling

Growing empathy

The cost of avoiding

Structure and routine

Food, caffeine and fuel

What worry does

Practising under provocation

Cool the body first

Emotions as signals

Treatment and medication

Making it stick

Breathing

What you are actually defending

Being seen and judged

Righteous anger and perfectionism

Shame and stigma

Breaking the worry loop

Feeling from the inside

When anger turns to harm

When you use something to cope

Reading, numbers and learning differences

Remembering to do it

Facing it a step at a time

Tolerate distress

Self-compassion

Anger, alcohol and the body

Use your strengths

Obsessions and compulsions

Posture and how you carry yourself

Living with uncertainty

If you are simmering most days and cannot point to what set it off, look at the standards you are running rather than at the day itself. A rule that is never quite met keeps producing small failures for you to react to.

Try listing what you expected of this morning, hour by hour, and see how many of those expectations were met exactly. Most people find a long tail of…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 2:185One line of research

However you speak to yourself about your own mistakes is usually how you will end up thinking about other people's. Going easier on yourself is not a treat you have not earned, it is part of getting easier on everyone else.

Watch for it in small moments. You snap at someone for being slow, and if you are honest you would have flayed yourself for exactly the same thing.…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 4:28One line of research

Some anger is really an expectation that will not be put down. The other person has moved on, the thing is over, and you are still holding the version of how it should have gone.

The tell is a short fuse over things that barely matter: a queue, a misplaced item, someone doing a job their own way. When frustration arrives that…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 23:62One line of research

When something is genuinely wrong, try saying the whole sentence: this is wrong, it should not be like this, and it is. Then ask how it came to be, before asking what to do.

The word should keeps you in the courtroom, where the only available outcome is a verdict. Asking why moves you into how the thing actually happened,…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 49:9One line of research

That flash of temper when someone meets a fact that undoes their story is not stupidity. It is a mind defending its own shape, which is a real need rather than a shameful one.

Say this to yourself before you say anything to them, because contempt carries in the voice even when it stays out of the words. Being wrong and not…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 2:286One line of research

Anger that your friends, your feed or your workplace rewards is the hardest kind to put down, because letting it go costs you something socially.

Notice what would happen if you said the softer, more complicated thing in a group that is enjoying being angry together. If the honest answer is…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 5:8One line of research

There is a steadiness worth aiming for: hearing someone disagree with you without either going off at them or going quiet and small.

Those are the two ways it usually falls over. Either the temper goes and the point is lost, or the confidence goes and you find yourself agreeing…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 31:17One line of research

When something in the room or in the wider world unsettles you, saying so as your own unease usually travels further than handing down a verdict.

A verdict invites a counter verdict, and then the two of you are in a match. Naming what you notice in yourself gives the other person somewhere to…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 2:143One line of research

A fair share of what angers you each day was selected for you, because outrage is what holds attention. Worth asking what you are being served, and how often.

Look back at the last hour of scrolling and count how many items were built to get exactly the reaction you gave them. You do not have to swear off…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 49:6One line of research

Some of what makes people angry is far bigger than any one conversation can settle. Saying that plainly is not giving up, it stops you carrying what was never yours.

If you are the calm one, at work or in a family or in a consulting room, there is a steady pull towards feeling you ought to be able to sort out the…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 22:78One line of research

The alarm system behind your anger cannot be beaten into silence. It settles when it is understood and soothed, which is slower and far more reliable.

So the moves that work are unglamorous: naming what is happening, granting that it made sense, taking the fear seriously instead of arguing it down.…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 3:159One line of research

If you carry a firm picture of how the world is supposed to work, the world will break it several times a day. No coping skill outpaces a supply of grievance that never runs out.

This is not a case for caring less about fairness. It is about telling apart an injustice you could act on from the general refusal of life to be…

Twenty minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 3:104One line of research

Someone who holds themselves to an exact standard will often hear a gentle correction as an attack. With them the useful thing is timing: build some trust before you offer the other way of seeing it.

The reframe you have ready is probably right and probably too early. Consistency matters enormously to this person, so an alternative view is not…

Twenty minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 16:125One line of research

Anger runs on the word should, and should is a word about debt. Write out what you believe this person owes you, then mark which of those they ever actually agreed to.

Most lists come out in two parts. There are the real agreements, said out loud and accepted, and there are the ones you assumed any decent person…

Twenty minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 4:58One line of research

Anger sticks around because it works, at least in the short run. Before trying to put it down, be honest about what it has been buying you.

Usually it is some form of leverage: people move faster, back down, stop asking. Sometimes it is plainer than that, a way to feel like something…

Twenty minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 9:105One line of research

A ping about a parcel and a ping about your mother's health feel identical in the second before you look. Give that feeling a name, false urgency, and you get a little room.

The buzz carries no information about importance. It borrows the feeling of importance and lends it to whatever happened to arrive. Naming it in the…

A minuteScreens and attentionADHD skillsQur’an 62:11One line of research