Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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8 practices

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Asking again and again whether it will be alright, and being told yes, buys a few seconds of calm and guarantees the next round of asking. The kindness in the answer is what keeps it going.

You can hear it in the shape of the question: the same one, worded slightly differently, asked of the same person. If you are the one being asked,…

Five minutesBreaking the worry loopCBTQur’an 6:59One line of research

When two options are both decent, there is no right answer waiting to be found. The work is not in picking. It is in doing well by whichever one you pick.

Bright, anxious people stall for exactly this reason: the options really are close, so no amount of further thinking separates them. Set a time to…

Five minutesBreaking the worry loopCBTQur’an 65:3One line of research

Most decisions are not sealed. Choose, run with it for a set time, then look again and change course if it is clearly wrong. Knowing there is a review date takes a great deal of weight off the choice.

The weight comes from treating the decision as permanent, which almost none of them are. Put an actual date in the diary for the review. That gives…

Five minutesBreaking the worry loopCBTQur’an 18:24One line of research

Every worry has something you love sitting underneath it. Fear about the exam means you want to do well. Fear about your mother's drive home means she matters to you.

This does not make the worry pleasant, and it is not a trick to make it disappear. What it does is stop the second layer, the part where you are…

Five minutesBreaking the worry loopCBTQur’an 3:191

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Moving your body

The fear underneath anger

Shame and stigma

Reading, numbers and learning differences

Being seen and judged

Structure and routine

Cool the body first

Remembering to do it

Feeling from the inside

What you are actually defending

Feelings and focus

Breathing

Growing empathy

Righteous anger and perfectionism

The cost of avoiding

Treatment and medication

Making it stick

Obsessions and compulsions

When you use something to cope

Breaking the worry loop

Emotions as signals

Facing it a step at a time

Knowing your partner

Shared spiritual life

Self-compassion

Tolerate distress

When you go numb

Posture and how you carry yourself

Rituals of connection

Listening and understanding

Find meaning

When anger turns to harm

Work with your brain

Notice the pattern and flex

Anger, alcohol and the body

Affection and touch

Your worth is not conditional

Your window of tolerance

Get it out of your head

Face it gently

Living with uncertainty

Rest and pacing

Staying regulated in conflict

Rebuilding trust

One line of research

Say the coping sentence aloud instead of thinking it. Some people generate very little of that inner commentary on their own, and hearing it in the room does the job the inner voice was supposed to do.

Out loud, in your own words, something like: my brain is doing the thing again, this is chemistry, it is here because I care. Say it in the car, in…

Five minutesBreaking the worry loopCBTQur’an 33:41One line of research

You will not talk a driven person out of worrying, so give the worry a better job. If someone frets about their revision, have them fret about whether they are also taking breaks and sleeping, since those are part of the revision.

This works because it uses the drive rather than fighting it. The same conscientiousness that produces the twelfth hour at the desk will produce a…

Five minutesBreaking the worry loopCBTQur’an 73:8One line of research

A great many people worry silently and look perfectly calm doing it. Families are often astonished to find out how much has been going on.

If someone in your house goes quiet, spends longer alone, or seems flat rather than agitated, that can be worry rather than indifference. You will…

Five minutesBreaking the worry loopCBTQur’an 114:5One line of research

Some people never ask for help because they assume everyone's head is like theirs. If yours has been running like this since you were small, it does not feel like a condition. It feels like being you.

It is worth asking someone you trust, plainly, how often they worry about things and for how long. The answer is often surprising. Discovering that a…

Five minutesBreaking the worry loopCBTQur’an 13:28One line of research