Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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53 practices

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Wise mind is not a calmer version of you. It is the state where what you feel and what you have thought through are both in the room, and neither has thrown the other out.

In practice it means you can feel the heat in your chest and still choose the next sentence. Neither half is the enemy: pure logic talks you out of…

A minuteTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 12:18One line of research

Let your face go. Unclench the jaw, let the lips lift very slightly, and let the loosening carry back through your head and shoulders.

You are not pretending to be happy and nobody has to see it. The face holds a lot of the tension of a bad state, and it is one of the few parts you…

A minuteTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 10:12One line of research

You are allowed to put something down. Put it down with a time to pick it up again: Thursday morning, with my therapist, not tonight.

Without the appointment, setting it aside quietly turns into never touching it, and the thing keeps all its power by never being looked at. With the…

A minuteTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 20:130One line of research

Stop fighting what already is. Accepting a hard reality, without approving of it, ends the extra layer of pain.

Saying it is so is not the same as saying it is fine. Dropping the war with what already happened frees you to respond.

Five minutesTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 64:11One line of research

Soothe yourself through the senses: a warm drink, a soft cloth, a good scent, a slow walk. Be kind to the body.

There is more about low mood and hard feelings than the practices: the low mood and hard feelings area has the themes and the courses too.

When you cannot fix the feeling, comfort the one who is feeling it. Small kindnesses to the body settle the mind.

Five minutesTolerate distressMindfulnessQur’an 93:6One line of research

Before going towards a hard feeling, decide what will hold you while you are inside it: a way of breathing, a way of standing, a sentence, a person you can picture or ring.

Going in with nothing is not brave, it is flooding, and it teaches your system that feelings really are dangerous. Pick two or three supports in…

Five minutesTolerate distressBody basedQur’an 2:153One line of research

Whether a feeling is nowhere to be found or far too much, the questions are the same: what breath, what movement, what sentence, what person helps me stay with this?

Numbness and overwhelm look like opposites and they are both a problem of not being able to stay with the material. The same supports work in either…

Five minutesTolerate distressBody basedQur’an 94:6One line of research

Say it out loud before you start: you decide how much of this you feel, and when. Stopping for a bit is part of the plan, not a failure of it.

Being in charge of the dial is most of what separates useful contact with a hard feeling from being flooded by it again. If you are helping someone,…

Five minutesTolerate distressBody basedQur’an 2:286One line of research

Putting a film on, reading, letting the internet have an hour, all of it counts as a real skill when you choose it on purpose and know what you are choosing it for.

The version that hurts is the one you fall into without deciding and feel ashamed of afterwards. Choosing changes the whole thing: I am not up to…

Twenty minutesTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 73:10One line of research

When a feeling is genuinely unbearable, escaping it is the only regulator you have, so the drinking or the shutting down is doing a job. Build up what you can bear and the job disappears.

It helps to stop asking why you keep reaching for the thing and start asking what state you were in just before you reached. Usually it is a…

LongerTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 41:49One line of research

Choose one short remembrance to say the moment anger rises, and use it every single time.

A prepared word of dhikr catches the anger before it speaks for you.

A minuteWorking with angerMindfulnessQur’an 13:28One line of research

Catch the first body sign of anger, the jaw, the chest, the heat, and name it there.

Caught early, anger can be chosen. Caught late, it chooses for you.

A minuteWorking with angerCoreQur’an 42:37One line of research

When anger floods you, step away before you speak, and come back when your body is calm.

Past a certain heat the body cannot hear reason. Leave, settle, and return.

Five minutesWorking with angerCoreQur’an 25:63One line of research