Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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50 practices

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When a death is filmed and passed around, some of the people who watch it are not all right afterwards, and a few are put in real danger by it. Ask what has been going round.

The question is simple enough. Has anything about someone dying gone round your school or your feed lately, and did you see it. Then ask how it left…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCoreQur’an 6:68One line of research

Telling someone it was not their fault often bounces straight off, and there is a reason for that. Self blame can be the safer of the two stories, and you are asking them to give up shelter.

So do not lead with the correction. Say instead that it makes complete sense they landed there, that a child needs their parents to be good more than…

Twenty minutesShameTrauma informedQur’an 15:56One line of research

Shame works like a lid. While it is on, the anger and the sadness underneath stay out of reach, which is why going straight for them so rarely works.

If you keep trying to cry and nothing comes, or you know you should be furious and feel only flat and small, look at what is sitting on top. Naming…

Twenty minutesShameTrauma informedQur’an 12:87One line of research

Under most shame something else is waiting: anger at what was done, or grief for what was missed. That is the material worth reaching for.

You will know you are getting close when the flatness starts to move, often as heat in the chest or a lump in the throat. Anger in particular tends…

Twenty minutesShameTrauma informedQur’an 93:8One line of research

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Anger, alcohol and the body

Exercise, food and other supports

Medication and how it works

Making it stick

Get started

Facing it a step at a time

Equanimity and perspective

Being seen and judged

When a young person with ADHD goes through a first breakup or loses a friendship group, stay closer than usual. Do not wait for the next arranged contact.

Rejection lands harder here, and impulsivity shortens the gap between feeling unbearable and acting on it. A short unannounced check in, a lift…

Twenty minutesShame and stigmaADHD skillsQur’an 39:53One line of research

Putting a film on, reading, letting the internet have an hour, all of it counts as a real skill when you choose it on purpose and know what you are choosing it for.

The version that hurts is the one you fall into without deciding and feel ashamed of afterwards. Choosing changes the whole thing: I am not up to…

Twenty minutesTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 73:10One line of research

If a treatment comes with a contract, take it to a solicitor before signing. Not because you cannot read it, but because that puts a few days between the pitch and your signature.

Being told not to sign rarely helps, and it asks somebody to admit in the moment that they might act rashly, which almost nobody does in front of a…

Twenty minutesTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 65:2One line of research

Once the surge is up it takes something like a quarter of an hour to drop, and nothing sensible said inside that window will land. Give it the time first.

This is the point where a parent, a partner or a friend reaches for reasons, and the reasons make it worse. Keep your words few, stay nearby, offer…

Twenty minutesWhat worry doesCBTQur’an 13:28One line of research

When you cannot settle yourself, borrow somebody else's steadiness. Sitting near a calm person, even without talking, is a real thing to try.

Choose by effect rather than by closeness. Some people you love leave you more wound up than you started, and some people you barely know are easy to…

Twenty minutesYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 2:248One line of research

If you mostly run hot and jumpy, start with slow paced breathing. If you mostly go blank and far away, work that reaches you through sound and voice tends to get further.

The idea is to pick the tool that pulls against your usual tilt. Breathing practice puts the brake back on a system that has lost it. Sound and voice…

Twenty minutesYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 23:78One line of research