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Your body
You cannot think your way out of a body that is braced. This area starts there: the breath, the ground under you, moving, eating, resting, and the small physical things that change how the rest of the day lands.
What works for this
Working from the body first
A body that has not slept, eaten or moved has less left over for holding itself steady. Changing the state you are in is often faster than changing the thoughts you are having, and it is more reliable when you are already worn out.
One move, today
A long slow out breath, longer than the in breath, three times. The out breath is the part that does the work.
What matches
28 practicesWith your eyes closed, bring to mind someone who is glad to see you, and let your face receive that look. A small smile usually arrives in the eyes on its own.
It can be someone you love, someone who loved you, a teacher from years ago, or an animal. The point is not the memory but the feeling of being…
When the person in front of you starts yawning during body work, it is usually not boredom. Bodies yawn as they let go of what they were holding.
Say so out loud, because most people apologise for it and then clamp down on the very thing that was starting to shift. A simple 'that is a good…
Let the corners of your mouth lift about as much as they would if you had just remembered something mildly pleasant. Not a smile anybody would notice.
This comes from dialectical behaviour therapy, where it is used as a way of softening without pretending. You are not being asked to feel happy, and…
Sometimes eyes water during body work with no sad thought attached to it. Nothing has gone wrong, and there is nothing that needs explaining.
If it happens to you, let it happen. If it happens to someone you are working with, say something plain and warm: that this is common, that they do…
Tap the fleshy outside edge of your hand and say something like: even though I feel this, I accept myself completely. Three times, in whatever words are actually true for you.
The shape of the sentence is the point. It names the problem and refuses to make your worth conditional on solving it, which is the exact opposite of…
Work one side of your face or body first, then stop and compare. The difference between the treated side and the untreated one is often surprisingly clear.
This is a useful trick if you tend to finish a practice thinking nothing happened. Rather than asking whether you feel better, which is a vague…
End by pressing your palms together and staying there a moment. Each hand is giving and being given to at the same time.
It is a small thing that lands hard for people who only know how to be the one who helps. Notice the warmth and the pressure and notice that you…
Finish by letting your eyes travel slowly from one side to the other a few times, open or closed, then bring them back to the middle and notice how you are.
The idea borrowed from EMDR is that this helps the calmer state settle in rather than evaporate at the door. Whether it does that is not established,…
You are not trying to get calm here. You are trying to find out what is actually going on in you, and whatever turns up is the useful part.
If a practice becomes something you can pass or fail, it will quietly join the list of things you are bad at. So drop the target. Ask what you notice…
Find the soft place just under and behind your jaw, near your ears, and rest your fingers there. Then open and close your mouth slowly, slide the jaw forwards and back, and draw your chin gently towards your throat.
Jaws get held all day, often by the same hunched screen posture that pushes the head forward. Go slowly enough that nothing clicks or hurts. You may…
If you carry everything in your neck, that is not a separate problem from feeling on edge. The nerve that settles you passes right between the muscles that are gripping.
The ones you can feel most easily run from behind each ear down towards the collarbone, with more just behind them along the side. Rest a warm hand…
Do not put a clock on any of this. Stay with each position until your body asks for a deeper breath or produces a yawn, then move on.
Timing by the clock turns the practice into another task to be completed. Waiting for a signal teaches you what your own signs of release actually…
After the throat, go straight to the chest. Most people feel the two loosen together, and noticing that link teaches you something about your own wiring.
Sigh the throat open, then put both hands on your breastbone and let the breath drop lower. If you have ever had a lump in your throat and a…
Rest both hands on your chest, feel it lift and fall, and let the breath go low enough that your belly moves too. If someone you love turns up in your mind while you do it, let them stay.
Gratitude works here as well, as long as it is specific and true: one thing from today rather than a list you are supposed to produce. Pets count,…
Hands on your belly, breathe so that it moves, and listen. A gurgle down there is a real sign that you have stopped bracing.
Digestion is one of the first things to shut down when you feel under threat and one of the first to come back when you do not. That is why the noise…
You rarely need the whole tour. Pick the one place the tension actually lives for this person today, and work there.
A real session has no room for a long sequence and no need of one. Watch where the holding shows itself: a jaw that never rests, shoulders up near…
Keep offering these small practices and people start asking for them. When someone requests one by name, something has changed about who is running their regulation.
Responses also speed up with repetition, so what needed ten minutes in the first month can take two later on. Name that shift out loud when it…
There is a real difference between a practice you add to your treatment and one you use in place of it. Massage, breathing, acupressure and the rest belong in the first group.
Nobody minds you tapping, stretching or seeing an acupuncturist. What matters is that none of it quietly takes the place of the medication, the…
Most people are already doing something for themselves outside your room: herbs, a chiropractor, breathing videos, a weekly massage. Ask, plainly and without a raised eyebrow.
If you treat it as fringe behaviour, you will simply stop being told about it, and then you are working half blind. You want to know what is…
Words for feelings tend to arrive after the body has been noticed, not before. Find the sensation first, then see what it wants to be called.
Try it in that order: tight across the chest, hot in the face, heavy behind the eyes. Then a name, if one comes, and no forcing if it does not.…
Not all of this is a matter of how you say you feel. Breathing, exercise and hands on work shift things that can be measured from outside: heart rhythm, stress hormones, muscle tone.
That matters if you are the kind of person who suspects their own good moods, or if you have to make a case to a colleague who wants numbers. It also…
You choose what to work on and how big a piece of it. A sore shoulder, a low mood, the belief that you are too much: all of them are allowed, and so is starting small.
The useful phrase is whatever is standing in the way of you being all right just now. Some days that is a headache and some days it is the thing you…
Deep change tends to follow self acceptance rather than the other way round. Waiting until you have fixed the thing before you are allowed to be kind to yourself usually keeps the thing exactly where it is.
This shows up most clearly with eating, drinking, and everything else people do to manage a feeling. Shame makes the feeling worse, and the behaviour…
There comes a moment when the tissue under your fingers gives a little and allows more depth. Wait for that instead of pressing your way to it.
It sounds fanciful until you have felt it once, and then it is obvious. Rest your hand, keep the pressure steady, and let the softening decide the…
If pain is the thing you live with, start the session with the stroking sequence rather than the conversation. Arms, forehead, crown, cheeks, slowly.
It does two jobs in one go: gentle wide contact takes some edge off the pain, and it brings a person out of guarded alertness into being able to…
There is a route the calming nerve takes through you: eyes, then jaw and mouth, then throat and neck, then shoulders and chest, then belly. You can visit each stop in turn and simply notice what is there.
Give every area a moment before you move on. Soften around the eyes, let the jaw hang, sigh the throat loose, feel the chest lift, then rest a hand…
Talking is not the only door in. Exercise, massage, acupressure, yoga, tai chi and the rest go at the body first and let the mind follow, which is the opposite direction from most therapy.
That is why they sit well beside talking work rather than competing with it. If words keep circling the same ground, changing what your body is doing…
Body based approaches have been linked with better physical and mental health, easier relationships, and in some settings lower use of painkillers and psychiatric medication.
That last one tends to interest the people holding the budget, so it is worth knowing if you are trying to get this kind of work taken seriously…