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Your marriage
What keeps a marriage well is not the big gestures. It is knowing each other, turning towards each other in ordinary moments, staying regulated when it gets hot, and repairing quickly when it goes wrong. Most of the practices here take under five minutes.
What works for this
Gottman on repair, and emotionally focused therapy
What separates couples who last is not the absence of conflict but what happens in the ordinary moments and whether repair gets through. Emotionally focused therapy works on the pattern the two of you fall into, not the thing being argued about.
One move, today
Notice one small overture from them today and answer it. Not a conversation, just turning towards it rather than past it.
What matches
3 practicesBe the first person your spouse wants to tell good news to, by delighting when they do.
Meet their small wins with real, curious gladness, so you stay their first call.
Let them tell the good story twice.
Sharing a joy and being met with delight makes the joy larger and the bond warmer.
Mark one milestone together this month, however small, rather than letting it pass.
The anniversary, the finished project, the hard season survived. Pause and honour it.