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Areas › Your marriage › Answering bids
Meet their small wins with real, curious gladness, so you stay their first call.
The servants of the Merciful ask for joy in their spouses (Qur'an 25:74). To share your spouse's joy is to answer that prayer.
الفرقان
وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبۡ لَنَا مِنۡ أَزۡوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعۡيُنࣲ وَٱجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
those who pray, ‘Our Lord, give us joy in our spouses and offspring. Make us good examples to those who are aware of You’
Qur’an 25:74read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Emotionally focused therapy asks partners to stay engaged in the good moments as much as the hard ones. Meeting your spouse's small wins with genuine gladness keeps you the person they most want to turn to.
Susan M. Johnson (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown
A.R.E.: Are you Accessible, Responsive and Engaged? Johnson holds that every quarrel is a variation on one attachment question, can I reach you, and that a partner who can answer yes to the three provides the safe haven the bond depends on.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Enthusiastic response to good news predicts a stronger bond than support in hard times.
Where this sits: EFT, A.R.E.: Engaged, meeting a partner's good news with real attention.