Lesson 2 of 6 · Why it comes back in waves
The model this comes from
This is not a folk description. It is a named model in the bereavement literature, and it is the one that explains the Wednesday.
What the research says
A grieving person moves back and forth between facing the death and dealing with what the death changed. Coping well is described as oscillating between the two, so the days you cannot face it are part of the process rather than avoidance.
A bereaved person moves between two kinds of activity. Loss oriented activity is facing the death itself. Restoration oriented activity is dealing with everything the death changed. Coping well is described as oscillating between the two rather than finishing one before starting the other, and getting stuck is described as avoiding one side entirely. The model was put forward as a description of how bereaved people cope, not as a treatment protocol.
Stroebe M, Schut H (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: rationale and description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197 to 224 doi