Lesson 3 of 6 · What sabr is, and what it is not
Answer in your head first
Then reveal it.
Qur’an and Sunnah
The verse A'isha recites in that exchange. No bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another. It is shown because the argument inside the report turns on it.
قُلۡ أَغَيۡرَ ٱللَّهِ أَبۡغِي رَبࣰّ ا وَهُوَ رَبُّ كُلِّ شَيۡءࣲۚ وَلَا تَكۡسِبُ كُلُّ نَفۡسٍ إِلَّا عَلَيۡهَاۚ وَلَا تَزِرُ وَازِرَةࣱ وِزۡرَ أُخۡرَىٰۚ ثُمَّ إِلَىٰ رَبِّكُم مَّرۡجِعُكُمۡ فَيُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمۡ فِيهِ تَخۡتَلِفُونَ
Say, ‘Should I seek a Lord other than God, when He is the Lord of all things?’ Each soul is responsible for its own actions; no soul will bear the burden of another. You will all return to your Lord in the end, and He will tell you the truth about your differences
Qur’an 6:164
The much argued narration, and it carries the whole exchange. Ibn Umar says it to weeping women at a funeral. Umar says it to Suhaib at his own deathbed. And A'isha answers that they are not narrating from liars, but that sometimes you mishear. Scholars have reconciled this in at least six ways and still differ, so it is not settled here.
Abbul-Jabbar bin Al-Ward narrated:"I heard Ibn Abi Mulaikah say: 'When Umm Aban died, I attended with the people. I sat in front of 'Abdullah bin 'Umar and Ibn 'Abbas, and the women wept. Ibn 'Umar said: 'Why don't you tell them not to weep? For I heard the Messenger of Allah say: The deceased is punished due to some of his family's weeping for him."' Ibn 'Abbas said: "Umar used to narrate something like that. I went out with 'Umar and when we got to on uninhabited area, he saw a caravan beneath a tree. He said: 'See whose caravan this is.' I went and I found Suhaib and his family. I came back to him and said: 'O Commander of the Believers! This is Suhaib and his family.' He said: 'Bring Suhaib to me.' When we entered Al-Madinah, 'Umar was attacked and Suhaib sat by him, weeping and saying, 'O my brother, O my brother.' 'Umar said: 'O Suhaib, do not weep, for I heard the Messenger of Allah say: The deceased is punished due to some of the weeping of his family for him. He said: I mentioned that to 'Aishah and she said: 'By Allah you are not narrating this Hadith from two liars who have disbelieved, but sometimes you mishear. And no bearer of burdens shall bear another's burden. And the Messenger of Allah said: 'Allah increases the punishment of the disbeliever because of his family's weeping for him
Sunan an-Nasa'i 1858graded sound, albanithe Arabic and its grading
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
A relative tells you that crying makes the deceased suffer, and that you should stop. What is the honest answer?
The reports permitting tears are sound and well known, and the clearest of them is the Prophet weeping over a dying child and calling it mercy which Allah has lodged in the hearts of His slaves. There is also a much argued narration that the deceased is punished because of his family's weeping for him. The disagreement about it is inside the sound material rather than outside it, and the report below carries the whole exchange. Ibn Umar says it to weeping women at a funeral. Umar says it to Suhaib at his own deathbed. And A'isha answers that they are not narrating from liars, but that sometimes you mishear, and recites that no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another. Ibn al-Qayyim, in Uddat as-Sabirin, counts twelve proofs that weeping is not disliked and concludes that the reports of prohibition are to be carried on weeping that comes with wailing and lamentation, which is why some wordings say the deceased is punished for what is wailed over him. Scholars have reconciled all of this in at least six different ways and they still differ, so we are not settling it. What can be said plainly is that no sound report makes ordinary tears into a sin.