Lesson 3 of 6 · What birr al-walidayn actually requires
Read what is commanded, and then notice a missing word
The central passage on parents is Qur'an 17:23 and 17:24, with 4:36 establishing the category. Read the list of what is actually required. Excellent treatment. Not saying uff to them. Not repelling them. Noble speech. Lowering the wing of humility out of mercy. And a supplication for them.
Now notice which word is not in the list. The word for obedience does not appear in it. That is an observation about the wording, not a ruling, and scholars have written a great deal about what does and does not follow from it. This platform does not settle that, and there is a further question inside 17:24 about the closing supplication and its clause about being brought up, which is a live question in the commentaries and not one for a course to answer.
Qur’an and Sunnah
Read the list of what is actually required. Not saying uff, not repelling them, noble speech. Then notice which word is not in the list. The word for obedience does not appear in it. That is an observation about the wording and not a ruling.
۞وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعۡبُدُوٓاْ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلۡوَٰلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَٰنًاۚ إِمَّا يَبۡلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلۡكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوۡ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفࣲّ وَلَا تَنۡهَرۡهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوۡلࣰ ا كَرِيمࣰ ا
Your Lord has commanded that you should worship none but Him, and that you be kind to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say no word that shows impatience with them, and do not be harsh with them, but speak to them respectfully
Qur’an 17:23
The rest of the same passage. Lowering the wing of humility out of mercy, and a supplication for them. There is a further live question inside this verse about the closing supplication, and it is not one to answer here.
وَٱخۡفِضۡ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحۡمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرۡحَمۡهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرࣰ ا
and lower your wing in humility towards them in kindness and say, ‘Lord, have mercy on them, just as they cared for me when I was little.’
Qur’an 17:24
Worship God, join nothing with Him, and be good to your parents. Parents are named immediately after the command to worship Allah alone, which is what establishes how serious this category is before anything is said about its limits.
۞وَٱعۡبُدُواْ ٱللَّهَ وَلَا تُشۡرِكُواْ بِهِۦ شَيۡـࣰٔ اۖ وَبِٱلۡوَٰلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَٰنࣰ ا وَبِذِي ٱلۡقُرۡبَىٰ وَٱلۡيَتَٰمَىٰ وَٱلۡمَسَٰكِينِ وَٱلۡجَارِ ذِي ٱلۡقُرۡبَىٰ وَٱلۡجَارِ ٱلۡجُنُبِ وَٱلصَّاحِبِ بِٱلۡجَنۢبِ وَٱبۡنِ ٱلسَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتۡ أَيۡمَٰنُكُمۡۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخۡتَالࣰ ا فَخُورًا
Worship God; join nothing with Him. Be good to your parents, to relatives, to orphans, to the needy, to neighbours near and far, to travellers in need, and to your slaves. God does not like arrogant, boastful people
Qur’an 4:36
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.