Lesson 5 of 6 · What feeds it

The debt is real, and this is what it is made of

This course would be dishonest if it only ever told you what you do not owe. So here is the other side, and it is not small.

The Qur'an describes the debt twice, at 31:14 and at 46:15, and both times it describes it physically. Strain upon strain in the carrying. Two years to weaning. Thirty months of bearing and weaning together. Neither verse makes the gratitude it commands conditional on the parent having been easy, and we are not going to pretend that it does.

Then the report where a man asks who is most deserving of his good companionship and is told his mother, three times, and then his father. Note carefully what the word is. It is companionship, suhba, which is care and closeness. It is not a ranking of whose orders you follow.

And the sound version of a sentence you have heard as a slogan. A man came wanting to go out and fight, was asked whether he had a mother, and was told to stay with her, for paradise is at her feet. In that setting, with that question, to that man. The floating slogan does a lot of damage in this topic, and the whole narration is more specific and more useful than the slogan is.

Qur’an and Sunnah

It would be dishonest to tell you only what you do not owe. The Qur'an describes the debt twice and both times describes it physically. Strain upon strain in the carrying, and two years to weaning.

وَوَصَّيۡنَا ٱلۡإِنسَٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيۡهِ حَمَلَتۡهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهۡنًا عَلَىٰ وَهۡنࣲ وَفِصَٰلُهُۥ فِي عَامَيۡنِ أَنِ ٱشۡكُرۡ لِي وَلِوَٰلِدَيۡكَ إِلَيَّ ٱلۡمَصِيرُ

We have commanded people to be good to their parents: their mothers carried them, with strain upon strain, and it takes two years to wean them. Give thanks to Me and to your parents- all will return to Me

Qur’an 31:14

The second of the two. Thirty months of bearing and weaning together. Neither verse makes the gratitude it commands conditional on the parent having been easy, and that is not being pretended otherwise.

وَوَصَّيۡنَا ٱلۡإِنسَٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيۡهِ إِحۡسَٰنًاۖ حَمَلَتۡهُ أُمُّهُۥ كُرۡهࣰ ا وَوَضَعَتۡهُ كُرۡهࣰ اۖ وَحَمۡلُهُۥ وَفِصَٰلُهُۥ ثَلَٰثُونَ شَهۡرًاۚ حَتَّىٰٓ إِذَا بَلَغَ أَشُدَّهُۥ وَبَلَغَ أَرۡبَعِينَ سَنَةࣰ قَالَ رَبِّ أَوۡزِعۡنِيٓ أَنۡ أَشۡكُرَ نِعۡمَتَكَ ٱلَّتِيٓ أَنۡعَمۡتَ عَلَيَّ وَعَلَىٰ وَٰلِدَيَّ وَأَنۡ أَعۡمَلَ صَٰلِحࣰ ا تَرۡضَىٰهُ وَأَصۡلِحۡ لِي فِي ذُرِّيَّتِيٓۖ إِنِّي تُبۡتُ إِلَيۡكَ وَإِنِّي مِنَ ٱلۡمُسۡلِمِينَ

We have commanded man to be good to his parents: his mother struggled to carry him and struggled to give birth to him- his bearing and weaning took a full thirty months. When he has grown to manhood and reached the age of forty he [may] say, ‘Lord, help me to be truly grateful for Your favours to me and to my parents; help me to do good work that pleases You; make my offspring good. I turn to You; I am one of those who devote themselves to You.’

Qur’an 46:15

Note carefully what the word is. Companionship, suhba, which is care and closeness. It is not a ranking of whose orders you follow.

Narrated Abu Huraira:A man came to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Your mother." The man said. "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man further said, "Who is next?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Your mother." The man asked for the fourth time, "Who is next?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Your father

Sahih al-Bukhari 5971graded sound, sahihaynthe Arabic and its grading

A man came wanting to go out and fight, was asked whether he had a mother, and was told to stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet. That is the sound version of a sentence you have heard as a slogan: in that setting, with that question, to that man. The whole narration is more specific and more useful than the floating version.

It was narrated from Mu'awiyah bin Jahimah As-Sulami, that Jahimah came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said:"O Messenger of Allah! I want to go out and fight (in Jihad) and I have come to ask your advice." He said: "Do you have a mother?" He said: "Yes." He said: "Then stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet

Sunan an-Nasa'i 3104graded sound, albanithe Arabic and its grading

Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.