Lesson 6 of 6 · Who to tell, and how to reach them
You are allowed to speak
This is the answer to do not air the family's business, and it is in the Qur'an rather than in a leaflet.
Allah does not like the public mention of evil, except by one who has been wronged. The exception is written into the verse. The person who has been wronged is not covered by the rule about keeping things quiet. And elsewhere the Qur'an asks why believers would not fight for the oppressed who cry out for help, which is a question addressed to a community rather than to a victim.
Two more, and they are worth more than the argument. A woman came and disputed with the Prophet, peace be upon him, about her husband, and complained, and the surah that follows opens by saying that Allah has heard her. A sound report in Ibn Majah records A'isha sitting in a corner of the house while it happened and not catching what was said. Her complaint was about a different matter, a form of words her husband had used to put her away, so what carries across here is not her case but the fact of the act and the answer it got. The surah is named after what she did.
And the Qur'an offers, as an example for believers, the wife of Pharaoh. What the Book records of her is not that she endured him well. It is a prayer: Lord, build me a house near You in the Garden, save me from Pharaoh and his actions, save me from the evildoers. A report in Bukhari and Muslim names her, with Maryam, as one of the two women who attained perfection.
Forgiveness verses exist, and they are addressed to the wronged person as something she may choose. They are not addressed to a community as an instruction to suppress her complaint.
Qur’an and Sunnah
The answer to do not air the family's business, and it is in the Qur'an rather than in a leaflet. The exception is written into the verse. The person who has been wronged is not covered by the rule about keeping things quiet.
۞لَّا يُحِبُّ ٱللَّهُ ٱلۡجَهۡرَ بِٱلسُّوٓءِ مِنَ ٱلۡقَوۡلِ إِلَّا مَن ظُلِمَۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ سَمِيعًا عَلِيمًا
God does not like bad words to be made public unless someone has been wronged: He is all hearing and all knowing
Qur’an 4:148
And elsewhere the Qur'an asks why believers would not fight for the oppressed who cry out for help. That is a question addressed to a community rather than to a victim.
وَمَا لَكُمۡ لَا تُقَٰتِلُونَ فِي سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ وَٱلۡمُسۡتَضۡعَفِينَ مِنَ ٱلرِّجَالِ وَٱلنِّسَآءِ وَٱلۡوِلۡدَٰنِ ٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَآ أَخۡرِجۡنَا مِنۡ هَٰذِهِ ٱلۡقَرۡيَةِ ٱلظَّالِمِ أَهۡلُهَا وَٱجۡعَل لَّنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ وَلِيࣰّ ا وَٱجۡعَل لَّنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ نَصِيرًا
Why should you not fight in God’s cause and for those oppressed men, women, and children who cry out, ‘Lord, rescue us from this town whose people are oppressors! By Your grace, give us a protector and give us a helper!’
Qur’an 4:75
The surah that follows opens by saying that Allah has heard her, and it is named after what she did. She brought a complaint about her husband and was answered.
قَدۡ سَمِعَ ٱللَّهُ قَوۡلَ ٱلَّتِي تُجَٰدِلُكَ فِي زَوۡجِهَا وَتَشۡتَكِيٓ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ وَٱللَّهُ يَسۡمَعُ تَحَاوُرَكُمَآۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ سَمِيعُۢ بَصِيرٌ
God has heard the words of the woman who disputed with you [Prophet] about her husband and complained to God: God has heard what you both had to say. He is all hearing, all seeing
Qur’an 58:1
And the Qur'an offers the wife of Pharaoh as an example for believers. Notice what is recorded of her. Not that she endured him well. A prayer to be saved from him and from his actions.
وَضَرَبَ ٱللَّهُ مَثَلࣰ ا لِّلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ ٱمۡرَأَتَ فِرۡعَوۡنَ إِذۡ قَالَتۡ رَبِّ ٱبۡنِ لِي عِندَكَ بَيۡتࣰ ا فِي ٱلۡجَنَّةِ وَنَجِّنِي مِن فِرۡعَوۡنَ وَعَمَلِهِۦ وَنَجِّنِي مِنَ ٱلۡقَوۡمِ ٱلظَّٰلِمِينَ
God has also given examples of believers: Pharaoh’s wife, who said, ‘Lord, build me a house near You in the Garden. Save me from Pharaoh and his actions; save me from the evildoers,’
Qur’an 66:11
What places that scene. A'isha was sitting in a corner of the house while it happened and did not catch what was said. Be careful here. Her complaint was about a different matter, so what carries across is not her case but the fact of the act and the answer it got.
It was narrated that 'Aishah said:"Praise is to Allah Whose hearing encompasses all voices. The woman who disputed concerning her husband (Al-Mujadilah) came to the Prophet when I was (sitting) in a corner of the house, and she complained about her husband, but I did not hear what she said. The Allah revealed: 'Indeed Allah has heard the statement of her that disputes with you concerning her husband
Sunan Ibn Majah 188graded sound, albanithe Arabic and its grading
Among women, Maryam and Asiya the wife of Pharaoh are named as having attained perfection. The woman whose recorded prayer was to be saved from her husband is the one named here, which is worth knowing if you have been told that enduring him well was the pious option.
Narrated Abu Musa Al-Ash`ari:Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Many amongst men attained perfection but amongst women none attained the perfection except Mary, the daughter of `Imran and Asiya, the wife of Pharaoh. And the superiority of `Aisha to other women is like the superiority of Tharid (i.e. an Arabic dish) to other meals
Sahih al-Bukhari 3769graded sound, sahihaynthe Arabic and its grading
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.