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Areas › Your marriage › Fondness and admiration
The people closest to us too often receive our least careful manners; this gently reverses that.
The Prophet ﷺ was the gentlest of people with his own family. The sharp tone we save for those we love most is exactly the one worth catching.
آل عمران
فَبِمَا رَحۡمَةࣲ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمۡۖ وَلَوۡ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ ٱلۡقَلۡبِ لَٱنفَضُّواْ مِنۡ حَوۡلِكَۖ فَٱعۡفُ عَنۡهُمۡ وَٱسۡتَغۡفِرۡ لَهُمۡ وَشَاوِرۡهُمۡ فِي ٱلۡأَمۡرِۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمۡتَ فَتَوَكَّلۡ عَلَى ٱللَّهِۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُتَوَكِّلِينَ
By an act of mercy from God, you [Prophet] were gentle in your dealings with them- had you been harsh, or hard-hearted, they would have dispersed and left you- so pardon them and ask forgiveness for them. Consult with them about matters, then, when you have decided on a course of action, put your trust in God: God loves those who put their trust in Him
Qur’an 3:159read it in the library
Narrated 'Aishah:that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: "The best of you is the best to his wives, and I am the best of you to my wives, and when your companion dies, leave him alone
Jami' at-Tirmidhi 3895graded sound, albanithe Arabic and its grading
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
We often hand our least careful manners to the people closest to us. Noticing the tone you would never use with a guest is the first step to giving them your best, not your leftovers.
Gottman, J.; Coan, J.; Carrere, S.; Swanson, C. (1998). Predicting Marital Happiness and Stability from Newlywed Interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family doi
Newlywed interaction patterns; accepting influence; soft start-up.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Guarding tone with a partner preserves respect and fondness.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Share Fondness and Admiration.