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Areas › Your marriage › Rituals of connection
Not logistics. How are we really, and what do you need from me. A regular heart to heart.
God made spouses a place of rest and placed love and mercy between them (Qur'an 30:21). A regular turning toward each other tends that mercy.
الروم
وَمِنۡ ءَايَٰتِهِۦٓ أَنۡ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنۡ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَزۡوَٰجࣰ ا لِّتَسۡكُنُوٓاْ إِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَكُم مَّوَدَّةࣰ وَرَحۡمَةًۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَأٓيَٰتࣲ لِّقَوۡمࣲ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
Another of His signs is that He created spouses from among yourselves for you to live with in tranquillity: He ordained love and kindness between you. There truly are signs in this for those who reflect
Qur’an 30:21read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
The Hold Me Tight conversation has each partner say one real feeling and offer one reassurance, with logistics left out of it. Doing it regularly and unhurried keeps you both reachable, which is the first thing to fade when the only talk is admin.
Susan M. Johnson (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown
Conversation 4, Hold Me Tight. The bonding conversation: each partner states the attachment need plainly, hold me, tell me I matter, and the other answers it. Johnson holds this reach and response is the change event of the therapy, not a by-product of it.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A regular emotional check-in keeps partners attuned and secure.
Where this sits: EFT, Hold Me Tight Conversation 4: the bonding conversation as a regular practice.