Loading practices
Loading practices
Areas › Your marriage › Rituals of connection
Before the post, the phone, the fridge. Them first, with your eyes and attention.
When you enter a house, greet one another with a greeting of blessing and goodness (Quran 24:61). Your own house is the first one that deserves it.
النور
لَّيۡسَ عَلَى ٱلۡأَعۡمَىٰ حَرَجࣱ وَلَا عَلَى ٱلۡأَعۡرَجِ حَرَجࣱ وَلَا عَلَى ٱلۡمَرِيضِ حَرَجࣱ وَلَا عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَن تَأۡكُلُواْ مِنۢ بُيُوتِكُمۡ أَوۡ بُيُوتِ ءَابَآئِكُمۡ أَوۡ بُيُوتِ أُمَّهَٰتِكُمۡ أَوۡ بُيُوتِ إِخۡوَٰنِكُمۡ أَوۡ بُيُوتِ أَخَوَٰتِكُمۡ أَوۡ بُيُوتِ أَعۡمَٰمِكُمۡ أَوۡ بُيُوتِ عَمَّٰتِكُمۡ أَوۡ بُيُوتِ أَخۡوَٰلِكُمۡ أَوۡ بُيُوتِ خَٰلَٰتِكُمۡ أَوۡ مَا مَلَكۡتُم مَّفَاتِحَهُۥٓ أَوۡ صَدِيقِكُمۡۚ لَيۡسَ عَلَيۡكُمۡ جُنَاحٌ أَن تَأۡكُلُواْ جَمِيعًا أَوۡ أَشۡتَاتࣰ اۚ فَإِذَا دَخَلۡتُم بُيُوتࣰ ا فَسَلِّمُواْ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِكُمۡ تَحِيَّةࣰ مِّنۡ عِندِ ٱللَّهِ مُبَٰرَكَةࣰ طَيِّبَةࣰۚ كَذَٰلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمُ ٱلۡأٓيَٰتِ لَعَلَّكُمۡ تَعۡقِلُونَ
No blame will be attached to the blind, the lame, the sick.Whether you eat in your own houses, or those of your fathers, your mothers, your brothers, your sisters, your paternal uncles, your paternal aunts, your maternal uncles, your maternal aunts, houses you have the keys for, or any of your friends’ houses, you will not be blamed: you will not be blamed whether you eat in company or separately. When you enter any house, greet one another with a greeting of blessing and goodness as enjoined by God. This is how God makes His messages clear to you so that you may understand
Qur’an 24:61read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Gottman's reunion ritual asks you to find your partner before anything else when you come home and give them your attention first. The opening minute of being back together sets the tone of the evening.
John M. Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown
Principle 3, Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away. Romance is built in the ordinary moment when one partner makes a small bid and the other turns toward it. The running total of those turnings, not the grand gesture, is what fills the emotional bank account.
Strength of evidence: seen more than once. Replicated observational or longitudinal work, not tested against a control.
A warm reunion ritual reliably protects a pocket of daily closeness.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Turn Toward Instead of Away; Rituals of Connection, the homecoming reunion.