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Areas › Your marriage › Answering bids
The come see this, the small touch, the story. Turn toward it, do not scroll past it.
A kind word is better than charity followed by hurt (Qur'an 2:263). Answering a small reach kindly is that kind word.
البقرة
۞قَوۡلࣱ مَّعۡرُوفࣱ وَمَغۡفِرَةٌ خَيۡرࣱ مِّن صَدَقَةࣲ يَتۡبَعُهَآ أَذࣰ ىۗ وَٱللَّهُ غَنِيٌّ حَلِيمࣱ
A kind word and forgiveness is better than a charitable deed followed by hurtful [words]: God is self-sufficient, forbearing
Qur’an 2:263read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Johnson's claim is that a bond is made or lost in ordinary bids, the come and see this and the small touch. Answering one you would usually let pass keeps your spouse's sense that you are within reach.
Susan M. Johnson (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown
A.R.E.: Are you Accessible, Responsive and Engaged? Johnson holds that every quarrel is a variation on one attachment question, can I reach you, and that a partner who can answer yes to the three provides the safe haven the bond depends on.
Strength of evidence: seen more than once. Replicated observational or longitudinal work, not tested against a control.
Turning toward bids for closeness is the daily fabric of connection.
Where this sits: EFT, A.R.E.: Responsive, answering the everyday bid for closeness.