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Areas › Your marriage › Rituals of connection
Not a shout from the door. A real parting, a word about when you will be back.
It is He who made the night and day to follow each other, for whoever wishes to remember (Qur'an 25:62). Mark the day's partings and returns; they are its rhythm.
الفرقان
وَهُوَ ٱلَّذِي جَعَلَ ٱلَّيۡلَ وَٱلنَّهَارَ خِلۡفَةࣰ لِّمَنۡ أَرَادَ أَن يَذَّكَّرَ أَوۡ أَرَادَ شُكُورࣰ ا
it is He who made the night and day follow each other- so anyone who wishes may be mindful or show gratitude
Qur’an 25:62read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Gottman treats the parting as a ritual of connection worth doing properly, face to face, with a word about when you will be back. Marked this way, a departure becomes a moment of contact rather than a small absence.
John M. Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown
Principle 3, Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away. Romance is built in the ordinary moment when one partner makes a small bid and the other turns toward it. The running total of those turnings, not the grand gesture, is what fills the emotional bank account.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Marking departures with attention turns a transition into a moment of connection.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Turn Toward Instead of Away; Rituals of Connection, the parting ritual.