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Areas › Your marriage › Shared spiritual life
How you met, a hard thing you got through, why you are proud of this we. Say it aloud.
God placed love and mercy between you as a sign (Qur'an 30:21). Your story together is a small telling of that sign.
الروم
وَمِنۡ ءَايَٰتِهِۦٓ أَنۡ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنۡ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَزۡوَٰجࣰ ا لِّتَسۡكُنُوٓاْ إِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَكُم مَّوَدَّةࣰ وَرَحۡمَةًۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَأٓيَٰتࣲ لِّقَوۡمࣲ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
Another of His signs is that He created spouses from among yourselves for you to live with in tranquillity: He ordained love and kindness between you. There truly are signs in this for those who reflect
Qur’an 30:21read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Gottman found that how a couple tells the story of their relationship reveals a great deal about the state it is in. Telling a warm version of how you met and what you came through strengthens the bond you are describing.
John M. Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown
Principle 7, Create Shared Meaning. Marriage has a spiritual dimension built from rituals of connection, shared roles, goals and symbols, and a couple with a common sense of purpose weathers conflict that would otherwise divide them.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
A rehearsed positive story of the relationship strengthens its glue.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Create Shared Meaning; the story of us (telling the relationship's history warmly).