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Areas › Your marriage › Gratitude
The mind can rehearse grievances or blessings. Choose the blessing, out loud if you can.
If you are grateful, I will increase you (Qur'an 14:7). Gratitude rehearsed grows the very thing it thanks.
إبراهيم
وَإِذۡ تَأَذَّنَ رَبُّكُمۡ لَئِن شَكَرۡتُمۡ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمۡۖ وَلَئِن كَفَرۡتُمۡ إِنَّ عَذَابِي لَشَدِيدࣱ
Remember that He promised, “If you are thankful, I will give you more, but if you are thankless, My punishment is terrible indeed.” ’
Qur’an 14:7read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
Gottman found that partners who dwell on grievances build a negative view of each other, while those who dwell on what they value keep a positive one. Swapping one rehearsed resentment for a named gratitude is that choice in miniature.
John M. Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown
Principle 2, Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration. An active habit of appreciation is the antidote to contempt, which Gottman names the single greatest predictor of divorce. Fondness is rebuilt by rehearsing what is right about the partner rather than by waiting to feel it.
Strength of evidence: seen more than once. Replicated observational or longitudinal work, not tested against a control.
Nurturing gratitude over resentment is what keeps trust and fondness alive.
Where this sits: Gottman method, The Positive Perspective; nurturing gratitude in place of rehearsed resentment.