Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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154 practices

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If you have someone safe to do it with, ask them to say the thing you dread being thought about you, on purpose, while you practise staying level.

Home is usually where the anger actually happens, so practice that stays in a therapy room or in your head only goes so far. Agree the words…

Five minutesPractising under provocationCBTQur’an 18:69One line of research

There is a steadiness worth aiming for: hearing someone disagree with you without either going off at them or going quiet and small.

Those are the two ways it usually falls over. Either the temper goes and the point is lost, or the confidence goes and you find yourself agreeing…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 31:17One line of research

Who pays the bill does give a household some say. That argument weakens every year a child gets older, and it runs out entirely once they are an adult sitting in front of you asking for help.

With a sixteen year old at home on the family plan, parents setting terms is reasonable and worth saying out loud. With an adult, the same move…

Five minutesScreens and attentionADHD skillsQur’an 28:77One line of research

Ask your child to show you their feed and explain it to you. You are asking to be taught rather than to inspect, and from the other side those feel nothing like each other.

Something shifts when the young person is the one who knows more. They slow down, they explain who these people are, they tell you which bits are…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCBTQur’an 24:31One line of research

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

When everything feels flat

The moment before you snap

What you are actually defending

Use your strengths

Making it stick

Righteous anger and perfectionism

Cool the body first

Your nervous system

Structure and routine

Grounding and settling

Pick one series and watch it together on the same evening each week. The point is not the programme. It is that something puts the two of you in the same room on purpose.

With an older teenager or a young adult, a set night can carry a relationship through stretches when talking is hard. Some weeks you will pause it…

LongerScreens and attentionCBTQur’an 33:35One line of research

Fasten a time you keep missing to another person. Go up when your partner goes up. Ask a colleague to knock for you on the way to the meeting.

A person moving is much easier to notice than a number changing. Ask for it as a favour and keep it small and specific, because a vague request to be…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 103:3One line of research

When someone reminds you often enough, things do get done. But the sense of time doing the work is theirs, which is why it all collapses the moment they stop.

Worth naming out loud in a household, because the reminding costs the relationship something and never builds the missing part. A better arrangement…

Twenty minutesYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 103:3One line of research

When someone tells you they have failed, the most useful thing you can do is nothing clever. Let your face stay soft and keep looking at them.

Shame is braced for disgust, so it reads your face before it hears your words. A quick reassurance can even land as a rush to move on. Slower is…

A minuteShameEmotionally focusedQur’an 93:3One line of research

When someone's shame fills the room, check your own state before you say anything. If you start to shrink, or to worry that you are handling this badly, they will feel it.

Shame is catching. The particular risk is a quiet spiral of your own, along the lines of I am no good at this, which pulls you out of the room at the…

A minuteShameTrauma informedQur’an 53:32One line of research

Moving between lessons is where things fall apart, so plan the move out loud before it happens. What to bring, where to go, and who will be waiting.

Before the child leaves maths, walk them through what comes with them and tell them to check in with the next teacher on arrival. That teacher greets…

Five minutesStructure and routineADHD skillsQur’an 62:10One line of research

In a bad moment your attention, your seeing and your remembering all narrow onto the threat. So your memory of the row is a partial recording, and so is theirs.

Worth holding on to before you go back over who said what. Neither of you is necessarily lying when the two accounts differ. Starting with here is…

Twenty minutesThe moment before you snapCoreQur’an 7:154One line of research

When the person in front of you starts yawning during body work, it is usually not boredom. Bodies yawn as they let go of what they were holding.

Say so out loud, because most people apologise for it and then clamp down on the very thing that was starting to shift. A simple 'that is a good…

A minuteTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 19:24One line of research

Lead with what has evidence behind it. Save the thinly supported options for when the person brings them up themselves.

Mentioning something is a form of recommending it, whatever hedges you attach, and families will spend money and hope accordingly. If they raise it,…

Five minutesTouch and bodyworkMedical and treatmentQur’an 93:10One line of research

Most people are already doing something for themselves outside your room: herbs, a chiropractor, breathing videos, a weekly massage. Ask, plainly and without a raised eyebrow.

If you treat it as fringe behaviour, you will simply stop being told about it, and then you are working half blind. You want to know what is…

Five minutesTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 3:159One line of research

There comes a moment when the tissue under your fingers gives a little and allows more depth. Wait for that instead of pressing your way to it.

It sounds fanciful until you have felt it once, and then it is obvious. Rest your hand, keep the pressure steady, and let the softening decide the…

Five minutesTouch and bodyworkBody basedQur’an 4:19One line of research

Regular massage has been studied with restless, distractible children and teenagers, and their teachers noticed the difference in class as well as the young people noticing it in themselves.

The pattern in these studies is modest and repeated: short sessions, twice a week, over several weeks, with mood and behaviour improving rather than…

Twenty minutesTouch and bodyworkMedical and treatmentQur’an 17:24One line of research

In placebo studies, people improve even when they have been told outright that the pill is inert. They also usually spend half an hour talking with someone who is paying attention.

That half hour is easy to dismiss as a detail of the study design, and it may be most of the treatment. Which is oddly encouraging: careful listening…

Twenty minutesTouch and bodyworkMedical and treatmentQur’an 2:263One line of research

A lot of what people now know about ADHD came from a video. Some of it is genuinely good, some of it is not, and asking someone what they have been watching is a fair question to open with.

Creators who live with ADHD have done real good here. They have made people feel recognised and made asking for help less frightening, and some…

A minuteTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 21:7One line of research

Long acting does not automatically suit everybody. Some people genuinely do better on shorter doses, and it is worth saying so rather than assuming the newer option must be right.

There is a folk belief that a person's own chemistry takes over in the afternoon once the medicine wears off, and the research does not support it.…

Five minutesTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 65:3One line of research

Managing the ADHD is not the goal. Being happy together is the goal, and the ADHD work is only worth doing to the extent that it gets you there.

Keeping that order straight changes the atmosphere of the whole effort. A partner who has spent years being a project stops being one. Requests stop…

Five minutesTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 10:57One line of research