Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

What matches

419 practices

Narrow these down

Let them tell the good story twice.

Sharing a joy and being met with delight makes the joy larger and the bond warmer.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 30:21Seen more than once

Ask which kind of support they want today rather than deciding for them.

Sometimes it is help, sometimes only company; asking spares you both the wrong gift.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 42:38Seen more than once

When your partner is up against something, take their side: this is our problem, we will face it together.

Even if you see the other side, do not side with the enemy against your partner. Stand with them first.

A minuteAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 9:71One line of research

Once today, ask about a stress from outside the two of you, then just listen. No fixing.

Twenty minutes on their side. Your only job is to understand and be on their team.

Twenty minutesAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 30:21One line of research

Once a day, take turns unloading the day's outside stress while the other just listens and supports, not fixes.

Ten minutes each on stress from beyond the relationship. The listener gives empathy, not solutions.

Twenty minutesAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 5:2One line of research

Be firm and warm at once: gentle tone, steady eyes, clear ask. Neither doormat nor bulldozer.

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Growing empathy

Grounding and settling

Equanimity and perspective

Facing it a step at a time

Posture and how you carry yourself

Exercise, food and other supports

Treatment and medication

What worry does

What ADHD actually is

Cool the body first

When you use something to cope

When everything feels flat

Structure and routine

Getting assessed and diagnosed

Tolerate distress

Emotions as signals

Your sense of time

Practising under provocation

Being seen and judged

Rest and pacing

Panic and the body

What you are actually defending

Help someone grieving

Gratitude

Ask and say no well

Fondness and admiration

Touch and bodywork

Shame

Making it stick

The fear underneath anger

When you go numb

Obsessions and compulsions

Safety and grounding

Validate yourself and others

Living with uncertainty

Softness of manner and firmness of content are not opposites. Hold the point kindly.

A minuteAsk and say no wellDBT skillsQur’an 31:19One line of research

Ask plainly: name the facts, say how you feel, say what you want, in a few clear sentences.

Drop the hinting. State the situation, your feeling, and the request. Clear is kind.

Five minutesAsk and say no wellDBT skillsQur’an 17:53One line of research

Avoiding something makes today easier and tomorrow harder. Say that plainly, to yourself and to whoever is in it with you.

Without that sentence, asking someone to face a frightening thing looks like cruelty, and every conversation about it goes badly. With it, the choice…

A minuteThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 62:8One line of research

Anxiety is the most common mental health difficulty of childhood, with something like a third of young people meeting the threshold at some point and a smaller group badly held back by it. Both halves of that are worth saying.

The first half is for the shame: this is ordinary, and keeping it secret is its own kind of avoiding. The second half is so that nobody hears…

A minuteThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 39:53One line of research

There is a particular good feeling in getting out of something you were dreading. Give it a name at home, because it is exactly what makes tomorrow harder.

Children recognise this straight away when it is put plainly: the lovely feeling when you find out you do not have to go. Adults know it too, in the…

Five minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 3:142One line of research

The first day back is worse than the weeks before it, not better. Plan for that spike rather than letting it take you by surprise.

Anxiety climbs as the return gets close and peaks somewhere near the doorway, then it comes down, but only for someone who stays long enough to find…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 2:155One line of research

When the fear is about being seen, being asked, being judged, you can build the steps out of real moments: the doorway, the corridor, the dining hall, answering once in a lesson.

Fear of a whole building cannot be practised. Fear of walking into the dining hall at half past twelve can. Make each step small enough to be boring…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 90:11One line of research

Whoever is standing in the hall at half past seven needs to understand the trap as well as the child does. A plan agreed on a Tuesday afternoon will not survive a Wednesday morning otherwise.

In the moment it is happening, a parent is not weighing up what gets learned over a term. They are trying to end the distress in front of them, and…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 20:114One line of research

Next rung: remark on something in the room. The plant, the noise outside, the length of the queue. Nothing about the person yet, just something out loud about where you both are.

It is the lowest stakes opening there is, because the subject is neutral and the other person can pick it up or leave it. Most of the time a small…

A minuteBeing seen and judgedCBTQur’an 2:264One line of research

Give the ladder a name that sounds like yours. Challenges you set yourself land completely differently from tasks you have been handed.

Write the steps out with whoever is helping rather than receiving a finished list. The words matter more than they should: a challenge invites you to…

Five minutesBeing seen and judgedCBTQur’an 5:54One line of research

Being articulate is not the same as being alright. Plenty of people who talk easily one to one are barely holding it together in the rooms that actually frighten them.

This is where families and clinicians get it wrong most often. Someone speaks well in a quiet office, so the fear gets marked down as mild, and the…

Five minutesBeing seen and judgedNarrativeQur’an 40:19One line of research

The fast forceful practices are not for everyone. With high blood pressure, heart trouble or glaucoma, leave them out and use the slow ones, which carry no such warning.

Rapid breathing with effort behind it raises pressure inside the chest, the head and the eyes for as long as you keep it going. The gentler lift,…

A minuteBreathingBody basedQur’an 32:9One line of research

Any breathing instruction that reaches you through a screen or a book comes from someone who cannot see you. Keep the final say over what your body does.

Recorded instructions have to be general. You are the one who knows that your chest tightens on holds, or that counting makes you anxious. Treat each…

A minuteBreathingBody basedQur’an 26:13One line of research

The rapid belly driven breath with pauses added is the strongest thing in this set. Not for high blood pressure, glaucoma, pregnancy or your period, and stop at once with pain or dizziness.

It has its uses for the flat, heavy state that comes over people after lunch or during a long low patch, because it pushes upwards rather than down.…

A minuteBreathingBody basedQur’an 38:72One line of research

End a practice with a question rather than a conclusion. What do you notice works better than telling someone what should have happened.

If you announce that an exercise is calming, most people will agree with you whether or not it was. Asking leaves room for the honest answer,…

A minuteBreathingBody basedQur’an 50:16One line of research