Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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1345 practices

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Ask what kind of person you want to be here, then take one small step that way, even while afraid.

Feelings are loud; values are quieter and truer. Let the step you take answer to the values, not the fear.

Five minutesAct on your valuesCoreQur’an 91:9One line of research

When you feel low and stuck, do the next small worthy thing anyway. Action moves mood, not the reverse.

Do not wait to feel like it. One small good act, then another, is how the heaviness starts to lift.

Five minutesAct on your valuesCoreQur’an 16:97One line of research

Touch them once today with nothing else attached.

A hand on the shoulder as you pass. Sitting close on the sofa. Reaching for their hand while you talk about nothing. No agenda, no next step. Just…

A minuteAffection and touchCoreQur’an 30:21One line of research

Harm that comes out of feeling threatened and harm that is done coldly, to get something, are not one problem wearing two faces. Before deciding what would help, work out which one you are looking at.

The first kind runs hot. A person feels cornered, the body goes off, and the damage is done inside a few seconds. The second is quiet and aimed, with…

Five minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 42:42One line of research

Some of what a person does to a partner is not defence and not temper. It is a script they watched at home, absorbed as ordinary, and never once held up to the light.

The tell is that it does not feel like a decision. There was no rush of heat and no sense of crossing a line, because at some level this is simply…

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Practising under provocation

Feelings and focus

Shame and stigma

Making it stick

Treatment and medication

Cool the body first

What worry does

Being seen and judged

Breathing

Growing empathy

Remembering to do it

When you use something to cope

Feeling from the inside

What you are actually defending

Reading, numbers and learning differences

Fondness and admiration

Obsessions and compulsions

Tolerate distress

Answering bids

Righteous anger and perfectionism

Staying regulated in conflict

Shared spiritual life

Breaking the worry loop

Facing it a step at a time

Emotions as signals

Question the thought

Anger, alcohol and the body

Posture and how you carry yourself

Shame

Notice the pattern and flex

When you go numb

Your worth is not conditional

Living with uncertainty

When anger turns to harm

Get it out of your head

Find meaning

Care for yourself in loss

Safety and grounding

Rebuilding trust

The cost of avoiding

Listening and understanding

Panic and the body

Affection and touch

Listen to the body

Your window of tolerance

Twenty minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 4:19One line of research

If the harm has only ever happened when someone had been drinking, the drinking is not the background to an anger problem. It is the anger problem.

Families often know this long before anyone says it aloud: he is fine, except. Go through it honestly, every incident, drunk or sober, and if…

Twenty minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 4:29One line of research

You are right that the first drink takes the edge off. That is exactly what makes it hard, and pretending otherwise would only be untrue.

The calm is real at a small amount and it turns on you as the amount climbs, which is why the argument at eleven at night bears no resemblance to the…

A minuteAnger, alcohol and the bodyMedical and treatmentQur’an 2:219One line of research

Alcohol does not add anger. It takes off the brake. Stimulants do the opposite job and press harder on the accelerator, and having both in you at once is the worst arrangement of the two.

What drink takes first is the part that holds you back, which is why nothing feels different from the inside. You are not angrier, there is simply…

Five minutesAnger, alcohol and the bodyMedical and treatmentQur’an 4:43One line of research

Hormones are part of this for everyone, not only for men and not only in adolescence. If your flares seem to arrive with a rhythm, that rhythm is worth writing down.

Episodes that look random from close up often turn out to have a shape once there is a record of them: a point in a monthly cycle, a change of…

Twenty minutesAnger, alcohol and the bodyMedical and treatmentQur’an 32:9One line of research

Anger has a chemistry of its own. There is nothing to pour down the sink and nobody to stop selling it to you, which is why letting it go feels like losing something rather than putting something down.

The lift is real. Heat, clarity, energy, a body that suddenly knows exactly what to do. Take that away and leave a gap where it was, and within a…

Twenty minutesAnger, alcohol and the bodyMedical and treatmentQur’an 13:28One line of research

If drinking is anywhere in the picture, stopping will probably do more for your anger than any technique you could learn. That is not the interesting answer, it is just the one that moves the most.

Skills work at the edges of a hard moment. Alcohol removes the very part of you those skills run on, so you can practise beautifully on a Tuesday…

LongerAnger, alcohol and the bodyMedical and treatmentQur’an 5:91One line of research

Sleep, food, illness and the run of stress you have been carrying set the height of your fuse before anything has even happened. Sort those out and you are simply a calmer person that week, with no insight required.

This is the cheapest work available and it is nearly always skipped, because it feels too obvious to count. Notice when your worst moments land: late…

LongerAnger, alcohol and the bodyMedical and treatmentQur’an 78:9One line of research

The angry face is standard human equipment. It looks the same in every country, and people born blind make it too, so nobody had to teach you either to pull it or to read it.

That cuts two ways for you. Yours is showing when you are sure you are hiding it, and people answer what they see rather than what you meant. And…

A minuteThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 2:155One line of research

A colleague's frown is being read by very old equipment that is watching for something pointed coming towards you. The reaction it produces is not a judgement on you, and quite often the frown is not about you at all.

Before you answer the face, get one piece of actual information. Ask what is going on, or simply wait for their first sentence and listen to it. Most…

A minuteThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 3:175One line of research

Anger and anguish grew from the same old root, and angst, anxiety and danger belong to the same family of words. The language has been saying this for about a thousand years.

Use it as a handle rather than as proof. Next time you catch yourself furious, try the word anguish instead and see whether anything in you agrees.…

A minuteThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 70:20One line of research

Anger itself is standard issue. Handling it well is not, and nobody is born knowing how.

Which means the thing you have been calling a character flaw is closer to a skill nobody taught you. That changes the job: not becoming a person who…

A minuteThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 70:19One line of research

Nothing gives you notice. The bad news, the difficult person, the thing you were not ready for: none of it checks your diary first.

A surprising amount of anger is really the protest that this should have come later, or with warning, or to somebody else. Drop the expectation of…

A minuteThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 65:3One line of research

Nobody sat you down and taught you what to be afraid of. You picked it up from whatever happened around you, and you are carrying a set of alarms you never agreed to.

Two things stay true at the same time here. The learning was not your fault, and the response is still yours to handle. Holding both keeps you out of…

Five minutesThe fear underneath angerTrauma informedQur’an 12:53One line of research

The part of you that flares learned to do it without a teacher, at a time when reading danger fast actually mattered. It is out of date now. It was never stupid.

If you can look at the reaction as an old protection rather than a defect, you can retire it without going to war with yourself, and wars with…

Five minutesThe fear underneath angerTrauma informedQur’an 106:4One line of research

People do not only defend their bodies. We defend our reputations, our ideas, our sense of what is fair, and the body handles those as though something with teeth were on its way.

There is good news buried in that. An abstract threat can be taken apart in a way a charging animal cannot. What would it actually cost me if this…

Five minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 8:2One line of research