Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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563 practices

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When your mouth opens to shout, let the air go out slowly through pursed lips instead. Same body part, different job.

It helps that you are not being asked to do nothing. The mouth is already open and the breath is already moving, so you are redirecting something…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 7:205One line of research

If you feel yourself rising, sit down. It is the smallest instruction in the whole toolkit and often the one that works.

Standing tall with a raised voice tells your own body that a fight is on, and it tells the other person the same thing, so they brace and match you.…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 3:191One line of research

Your hand is already halfway there. From a clenched fist, keep the thumb and index finger touching and let the other three fingers open out.

It is the same hand doing nearly the same thing, so there is nothing new to learn at the worst possible moment. People often describe a small opening…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 4:103One line of research

Rest your fingertips against one another and let your attention go to the place where they meet. It is a small piece of contact that is always available to you.

Anger sharpens the line between you and everything outside your skin, and everything on the far side of that line starts looking like a threat or an…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 48:4One line of research

Fear pulls the in breath long. Relief runs the other way and comes out as a sigh, which is your body's own signal that the danger has passed.

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Breathing

Shame

Feeling from the inside

Getting assessed and diagnosed

Feelings and focus

Being seen and judged

When you use something to cope

Practising under provocation

What worry does

Treatment and medication

Bringing the future closer

Question the thought

Making it stick

Breaking the worry loop

Structure and routine

Exercise, food and other supports

Growing empathy

Letting it out safely

Emotions as signals

Remembering to do it

Posture and how you carry yourself

When you go numb

Self-compassion

Living with uncertainty

What you are actually defending

Facing it a step at a time

Reading, numbers and learning differences

When anger turns to harm

Anger, alcohol and the body

The cost of avoiding

Use your strengths

Righteous anger and perfectionism

Rest and pacing

Panic and the body

Knowing the direction you are aiming in helps. When you are frightened or furious the breath gets pulled in, fast and high in the chest, because the…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 8:11One line of research

The usual advice to take a deep breath can work against you. A big pull of air in rouses the very system you are trying to quiet.

Leave the in breath alone and lengthen only the out breath. Breathe in normally through the nose, let the air out slowly, then repeat without ever…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 89:28One line of research

To make an out breath last longer without a big gulp of air first, make the opening smaller. Purse your lips, or send the air out through your nose.

The same amount of air through a narrower gap takes longer to leave, so you get a long exhale without a dramatic inhale to set it up. It also gives…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 25:48One line of research

Counting to ten asks you to keep track of numbers at the exact moment you cannot keep track of anything. Breathe out slowly instead and let the breath do the delaying.

The count was only ever a way of buying a few seconds, and a long out breath buys the same seconds without needing anything from a mind that has gone…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 13:28One line of research

A sigh opens the chest and drops the guard for a second. That is part of why it feels like relief and part of why the other person softens too.

Anger holds the body braced: shoulders up, chest closed, everything protecting the middle. A sigh undoes some of that, and it is hard to keep the…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 94:1One line of research

Hum. You cannot hum without a long out breath, so the technique makes you do it right whether you are concentrating or not.

Most breathing instructions leave you judging whether your exhale was really slow enough, which is a poor thing to be assessing while you are…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 7:205One line of research

While you hum, put your attention on the tickle in your nose and lips. There is not much room left for the argument once you are following that.

Two things happen in the same breath. The exhale stretches out, which settles the body, and the buzzing gives your attention somewhere plain to sit,…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 30:23One line of research

Take slow sips of water. You have to hold your breath for a moment to swallow, so your breathing slows down without you having to manage it.

This is why a glass of water helps more than it has any right to. Nobody has to tell you how to drink, and the slowing happens as a side effect of…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 21:30One line of research

While you drink, follow the cold going down the back of your throat. It turns a sip into half a minute of attention resting somewhere other than the argument.

Telling yourself to observe your thoughts without judging them is a lot to ask mid conflict. Following a cold sensation is not. There is a real thing…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 25:48One line of research

Keep a few purely physical moves in your kit: sip, hum, sit, look away. At the top of a flare, thinking your way out is the one thing that is not available.

The part of you that would weigh things up is exactly the part that anger has taken offline, which is why good arguments land so poorly at that…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 78:9One line of research

The alarm system in you responds to what your body does more readily than to what you tell it. Sit down, unclench, breathe out slowly, and only then try to reason with yourself.

Reasoning does work, just not at the top of the curve. Wait until the arousal has come down a little, then think about what happened, and you will…

Five minutesCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 29:45One line of research

The urge to punch a wall is the body trying to dump a load of energy. Give it somewhere to go that will not cost you a hand or a door.

Telling yourself to stop rarely holds, because the urge is doing a job. Choose the substitute in advance and keep it dull and near to hand: press…

Five minutesCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 94:1One line of research

Press ups on clenched fists give the hands something close to striking, while the effort and the counting take the story out of it.

The shape of the movement is part of why it satisfies, and the breathing it forces is what stops it being a rehearsal. Count the reps, keep the…

Five minutesCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 33:41One line of research

If one sigh helps, take another. Nothing says you have to wait for the hard part to be over first.

Waiting makes the sigh a report on something already finished. Repeating it while you are still in the middle turns it into an intervention instead.…

Five minutesCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 17:79One line of research

Instead of shutting your eyes, let your gaze go soft and wide: the sky, the far wall, the space above someone's shoulder. Keep them open and let the focus loosen.

Closing your eyes in front of someone reads as walking out of the conversation, and it often makes things worse. A soft open gaze breaks the lock…

Five minutesCool the body firstMindfulnessQur’an 48:4One line of research

Find something with nothing in it to look at: sky, a blank wall, a ceiling, a stretch of grass. Do not concentrate on it. Let your attention spread out over it.

Hostile thinking needs something to grip, and it will use whatever the eyes hand it. An expanse with no features gives it nothing, so the replay…

Five minutesCool the body firstMindfulnessQur’an 40:61One line of research