Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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49 practices

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Before a phone gets taken away, it is worth asking what else goes with it. For a lot of young people the group chat is where their friendships actually live, and losing it leaves them alone at the moment they most need someone.

This is not an argument against limits. It is an argument for knowing what you are cutting. If the same device carries the friendships, the homework…

Five minutesScreens and attentionCBTQur’an 25:67One line of research

A screen is a privilege, not something a person is owed. Food, clothes, a warm home, medical care, school, being loved: those are owed, and a phone is not on that list.

Saying this plainly gives a household something firmer than mood to stand on when limits are set. It also keeps two things apart. The care and the…

Five minutesScreens and attentionADHD skillsQur’an 7:31One line of research

Who pays the bill does give a household some say. That argument weakens every year a child gets older, and it runs out entirely once they are an adult sitting in front of you asking for help.

With a sixteen year old at home on the family plan, parents setting terms is reasonable and worth saying out loud. With an adult, the same move…

Five minutesScreens and attentionADHD skillsQur’an 28:77One line of research

When someone misuses a device, sending explicit messages or piling on to someone or going where they should not, the useful read is that they were not ready for that much freedom yet. Not that they are a bad person.

Readiness gives you somewhere to go. You can name the skill that was missing, hand back a smaller amount of access, and set out what would show they…

Five minutesScreens and attention

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Remembering to do it

Breaking the worry loop

What you are actually defending

Facing it a step at a time

Making it stick

When you use something to cope

Tolerate distress

Choosing your response

Growing empathy

When everything feels flat

When anger turns to harm

Righteous anger and perfectionism

Self-compassion

Shame

Anger, alcohol and the body

Emotions as signals

Getting assessed and diagnosed

Use your strengths

Practising under provocation

Being seen and judged

Obsessions and compulsions

Touch and bodywork

Letting it out safely

Feeling from the inside

Question the thought

Help someone grieving

Rest and pacing

Living with uncertainty

ADHD skills

Qur’an 96:6

One line of research

Screens are easy to start and have no natural end. So the part worth planning is not the getting on, it is the getting off.

Decide in advance what happens at the finish, and make sure something appealing is waiting on the other side. A timer that only tells you to stop…

Five minutesScreens and attentionADHD skillsQur’an 6:68One line of research

Some people are in this far enough that an hour a week will not reach them, and the places that could help are expensive or full. Saying so out loud is part of the work, not a failure of it.

Being honest early does two things. It stops you quietly concluding that you are not good enough, when what is actually happening is that the…

Five minutesScreens and attentionADHD skillsQur’an 2:286One line of research

Tell someone their phone is wrecking their sleep and you have handed them something to argue with. Ask instead what they notice on the mornings after a late scroll, and let them say it.

This is the difference between a conclusion arriving from outside and one a person reaches themselves, which they then have to take seriously because…

Five minutesScreens and attentionADHD skillsQur’an 17:36One line of research

What you are on there for matters more than how long you are on. Scrolling to keep up with people you love is a different activity from posting and then watching to see who approved.

Use aimed at status, at likes, at managing how you come across tends to sit alongside feeling worse. Use aimed at staying in touch and sharing what…

Five minutesScreens and attentionADHD skillsQur’an 57:20One line of research

Online you can draft, delete, reply an hour later or simply leave. None of that exists in a kitchen, and plenty of people now find real conversation unbearably fast.

So the ordinary friction of talking to someone in person, the pause you fill badly, the thing that comes out wrong, gets read as proof that you are…

Five minutesScreens and attentionADHD skillsQur’an 18:28One line of research

Spend long enough in comment sections and cruelty starts to look like the normal way people speak. It is not. You are reading a very odd sample.

Rudeness online is loud, cheap and rewarded, so it fills the space out of all proportion to how common it is. The trouble is that we generalise.…

Five minutesScreens and attentionADHD skillsQur’an 4:140One line of research

There is a rough benchmark for homework: about ten minutes a night per school year, so a child in their first year does ten minutes and a final year student tops out near two hours.

It helps to have the number before a school meeting, because "this is too much" sounds like an opinion while a benchmark sounds like a standard. Some…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionMedical and treatmentQur’an 2:286One line of research

A rule that holds in your house and nowhere else is not really a rule. Children locate the unrestricted house within about a week.

So the awkward job is the useful one: a short message to the parents of the two or three friends your child spends most weekends with, agreeing…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionMedical and treatmentQur’an 4:140One line of research

When someone says they did not really mean it, that it was not really them, the temptation is to hear an excuse. It is usually better information than that.

Take the disowning seriously and ask what state it came out of. What time was it, how long had they been online, what had happened that day, had they…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCoreQur’an 96:7One line of research

Things posted in ten seconds have got young people excluded from school, and worse. It is worth asking about online conduct in the same routine way you would ask about anything else that could go badly.

Ask what has been posted, what has been sent, what someone would not want read out. Not as an inspection and not as a lecture about permanence, but…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCoreQur’an 23:3One line of research

A whole evening can go into recording an evening. It is worth asking, with no scolding in it, whether you were there for the thing you now have a photograph of.

This lands better than a rule about hours, because it is about something you would miss rather than something you are doing wrong. Try leaving the…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCoreQur’an 28:77One line of research

Among teenagers, saying they want to die has become something you say when the bus is late. You can no longer read intent off the phrase, in either direction.

So the words neither prove there is danger nor prove there is not. What tells you is everything the words leave out: whether there is a plan, whether…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCoreQur’an 4:140One line of research

When a death is filmed and passed around, some of the people who watch it are not all right afterwards, and a few are put in real danger by it. Ask what has been going round.

The question is simple enough. Has anything about someone dying gone round your school or your feed lately, and did you see it. Then ask how it left…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCoreQur’an 6:68One line of research

Nobody gets far taking the drink away without asking what the drinking was for. It is the same here. Find out what the scrolling is doing for someone before you start subtracting hours.

It is doing something, or it would not have lasted this long. Company at one in the morning. A way to stop thinking. Somewhere they are good at…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCBTQur’an 3:14One line of research

If the phone was giving you company, an evening class in something practical will not cover it. Match what you put in its place to what it was actually providing.

Subtracting an hour and leaving the hour empty is the version that collapses by Thursday. If it was company, the replacement has people in it. If it…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCBTQur’an 28:77One line of research

Write down three to five things you actually enjoy, small ones, and do one of them a day. That is the whole instruction.

They have to be yours rather than the ones that sound impressive. Sitting in the garden with tea counts. Ten minutes on the guitar counts. Keep the…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCBTQur’an 33:35One line of research