Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

What matches

48 practices

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Ask what kind of person you want to be here, then take one small step that way, even while afraid.

Feelings are loud; values are quieter and truer. Let the step you take answer to the values, not the fear.

Five minutesAct on your valuesCoreQur’an 91:9One line of research

When you feel low and stuck, do the next small worthy thing anyway. Action moves mood, not the reverse.

Do not wait to feel like it. One small good act, then another, is how the heaviness starts to lift.

Five minutesAct on your valuesCoreQur’an 16:97One line of research

Scan your body, unclench the jaw, drop the shoulders, soften the hands. Let the tension out on each breath.

Emotion tightens the body; the body can loosen the emotion back. Release the grip one part at a time.

Five minutesCalm the bodyMindfulnessQur’an 89:27One line of research

Most people can tell you exactly why the thing is a bad idea. The trouble arrives later, when feeling is running high and all that reasoning is nowhere to be found.

So treat it as a doing problem rather than a knowing problem. Decisions made calmly and in advance travel into hard moments much better than…

Five minutesWhen you use something to copeDBT skillsQur’an 12:33One line of research

Distant health warnings move almost nobody. The cost that lands is the one showing up this month: your memory, your marks, the work you know you could be doing.

So keep it specific and keep it near. Heavy drinking in the teens and early twenties shows up in memory and in school work, which is the exact ground…

There is more about low mood and hard feelings than the practices: the low mood and hard feelings area has the themes and the courses too.

Five minutesWhen you use something to copeDBT skillsQur’an 17:26One line of research

What you tried at that age is a poor guide to what is in front of your child now. Cannabis today is far stronger than the same word used to mean.

The sentence that closes most of these conversations is I turned out fine. Try a different one: ask what it does for them, when they reach for it,…

Five minutesWhen you use something to copeDBT skillsQur’an 25:43One line of research

The fog after cannabis is not gone by morning. In younger users learning can stay dulled for several days, so Saturday night is still in the room on Wednesday.

That changes what to look at. Rather than arguing about the night itself, keep a rough note of the days that follow: what got read, what stayed in,…

Five minutesWhen you use something to copeDBT skillsQur’an 59:19One line of research

Nicotine looks like the small problem next to everything else going on, and it is the one most likely to still be here in thirty years.

Most adults who smoke started as teenagers, and the earlier the start the harder the eventual stopping tends to be. So it earns a place on the list…

Five minutesWhen you use something to copeDBT skillsQur’an 24:21One line of research

You cannot ask for something you cannot feel the want of. Before working out how to say it, spend a minute finding what you actually need.

This is why advice to communicate better so often goes nowhere. The words come out tidy and land as nothing, because there was no felt need inside…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 26:13One line of research

There is a kind of anger that floods a room and a kind that arrives with a request inside it. The second one gets answered.

The difference is audible before it is anything else: the voice steadier, the sentence shorter, an actual ask at the end of it. I am angry, and what…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 20:25One line of research

Nobody ever came for help because they were too happy. What arrives as irritation or flatness on the surface is usually fear, grief or shame underneath.

So when someone snaps at you, or when you go cold and clipped yourself, treat that as the top layer rather than the whole story. The useful question…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 40:19One line of research

Go back to the second before you reacted. Not the argument, not the history, just that one second and what crossed you in it.

Most people have to genuinely search for the answer, and the searching is where the work happens rather than in whatever they eventually say.…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 75:2One line of research

When someone pours out a lot at once, catch the two or three words carrying the weight and give those back to them, in order.

You said you felt cold in your own house, and like a nuisance. Nothing added, nothing solved. It sounds almost too simple, and it does the thing a…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 30:21One line of research

Let what they say land in you before you answer. The word that catches somewhere in your own chest is usually the live one.

Cold. Empty. A nuisance. Take each one for a second rather than sailing past it to the reply. Then give back the one that carried the charge, and you…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 39:23One line of research

I am used to it is not the same as I feel nothing. It usually means a great deal of practice at feeling nothing, and that practice costs something.

Believe the person when they say they are used to it, and hear what is inside the sentence: this has happened often enough that they have built…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 50:16One line of research

When somebody says they just get on with it, take the getting on with it seriously. That is the door, and arguing with the nothing is a wall.

This happens a lot, I just roll with it, I forget about it: there is a whole strategy in that sentence and it is visible, unlike the feeling…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:155One line of research

If all you can say is that you want to get away, that is already information. Nobody moves away from nothing, so somewhere in there is something that felt hard.

You do not need to know what it is yet. Hold the smaller version for a while: something here is difficult, and the pulling back is how I have been…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 91:8One line of research

When someone finally gets one true word out about how they feel, resist explaining it to them. Ask what that word is like from the inside and let them find the rest.

The temptation is to say the clever thing: of course you felt rejected, anyone would. It is often accurate and it usually ends the moment, because…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:29One line of research

Watch for the swerve. Right after something tender gets said, along comes a story about a brother or a colleague or a thing from years ago, and the tender part quietly gets left behind.

Swerving is not dishonesty. It is what people do when a feeling gets close, and it works, which is exactly why it is so easy to follow along.…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 21:87One line of research

If a conversation has wandered off and you have lost the thread, go back to the last thing that had real feeling in it, and go back using the words they used.

Not a summary of those words. The actual phrase: 'you said she has her standards and you will never meet them, and your eyes went red when you said…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 21:83One line of research