Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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57 practices

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There is a rough ladder for tech overuse. Build a schedule together with some outside control at first, add substitutes once the person can stop for a while, then more intensive care, and residential only when someone is entirely taken over by it.

The order matters more than the rungs. You cannot install a better alternative in someone who has no capacity yet to put the thing down, so a bit of…

LongerScreens and attentionADHD skillsQur’an 17:110One line of research

Walking away from a course or a job that was never going to fit can be the sensible move rather than a failure of nerve. It is also frightening, particularly when other people are paying for it.

Fit does more work here than effort does. The person who cannot survive a rigid nine to five in an open plan office may be excellent somewhere with…

LongerYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 62:10One line of research

With someone deep in shame, your steady presence is not the warm up before the useful part. It is the useful part.

That means resisting the urge to fix, to explain the psychology of it, or to hurry them along to a better feeling. Sit at their pace. Keep your tone…

LongerShameEmotionally focusedQur’an 93:6One line of research

No food in the house means eating out late, which means a late night, which means a late start, which means no time to shop. It is not a character flaw. It is a loop.

The parts that feel most like personal failure, the takeaways, the extra coffee, the money going nowhere, are mostly downstream of a plan that never…

LongerShame and stigmaADHD skillsQur’an 2:286One line of research

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

The cost of avoiding

Your sense of time

Shame

Reading, numbers and learning differences

Grounding and settling

Getting assessed and diagnosed

When a feeling is genuinely unbearable, escaping it is the only regulator you have, so the drinking or the shutting down is doing a job. Build up what you can bear and the job disappears.

It helps to stop asking why you keep reaching for the thing and start asking what state you were in just before you reached. Usually it is a…

LongerTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 41:49One line of research

Think of ADHD as sitting at the centre of an onion. Poor sleep, sleep apnoea, low vitamin levels, allergy, ongoing pain, untreated anxiety or low mood all sit in layers around it, and each one makes the centre look worse than it is.

This explains something that otherwise looks strange: treatments that do nothing whatever for ADHD can still make a real difference, because they…

LongerTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 9:105One line of research

When a child with ADHD and a parent get stuck in daily rows, the rows themselves start doing damage. Getting the ADHD properly managed early takes some heat out of those exchanges before defiance settles in as a habit.

The chain people worry about runs from constant friction at home to entrenched defiance, and from there to difficulties in the teenage years that are…

LongerTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 3:159One line of research

The most convincing programme for teenagers does the obvious thing. It runs at school, twice a week, so nobody has to be driven anywhere: homework systems, organisation, some social practice and sport, in the place where the trouble actually happens.

By the teenage years the leverage parents had is thinning, and a clinic appointment is the first thing to fall off the week. Putting the help inside…

LongerTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 2:185One line of research

People who are sleeping properly, eating properly and moving a bit tend to want each other more. The unglamorous parts of life management run closer to the bedroom than either of you might expect.

It is worth saying out loud when desire has quietly gone from a marriage, because the usual explanations reach for something heavier: he has lost…

LongerTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 2:185One line of research

An exam is a task with requirements. It is not a ruling on whether you are capable, however much it feels like one while you are sitting inside it.

Saying that once changes very little. The person this comes from took a long time to arrive at it, and that is worth knowing so you do not expect it…

LongerLiving with uncertaintyCBTQur’an 57:23One line of research

Get the shouting and the slammed doors down first. The deeper questions about where all this came from will keep, and they are hard to think about while incidents are still happening weekly.

Starting at the practical end can feel shallow. It is really a sequence. Containment buys the quiet that anything slower needs, and plain measures…

LongerWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 7:154One line of research

There is a listening programme that filters music into the range of the human voice, given in short sittings that add up to a few hours, to make speech easier for the body to take in.

It is delivered by a trained provider rather than downloaded and run at home, usually in small doses with a pause if things stir up. If you have…

LongerYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 67:23One line of research

This is given in small doses with pauses built in, and the pace is meant to bend around you. Ask for less if you need less.

There are shorter and longer versions, and versions without a human voice for people who find singing in a particular language hard to hear. A…

LongerYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 2:286One line of research

If your usual trouble is going blank, feeling unreal or watching yourself from a distance, this is the kind of work that tends to reach that.

When you are numb, techniques that ask you to notice what you feel in your body have very little to work with, because the noticing is the part that…

LongerYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 2:248One line of research

Some people end up fully flipped, awake until three in the morning and unable to surface until evening. That is genuinely hard to reset, and not for want of trying.

Ordinary sleep advice is not built for this. What tends to be needed is help with timing: light at the right hour, a plan to move the whole cycle in…

LongerYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 30:23One line of research

Trauma sleeplessness usually has two layers: night itself carries meaning, and the body's clock has moved. Both need attention.

If bad things happened at night, lying in the dark listening to every sound is not a bad habit, it is vigilance doing its job. Sleep advice alone…

LongerYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 39:42One line of research

When someone finally reaches somewhere safe, do not be surprised if they fall apart rather than bloom. Stay close through that part.

People who have lived on high alert often start grieving once the danger stops, and it can look like going backwards: more tears, more fear about the…

LongerYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 106:4One line of research