Lesson 3 of 6 · What sabr is, and what it is not
His own tears, and the actual limit
These reports must always be read together, because read apart the last one is used to silence people.
The first is the death of the Prophet's infant son Ibrahim. He held him and kissed him, and as the child was dying his eyes shed tears. One of the Companions said, even you are weeping. He said, this is mercy. Then he wept more and said that the eyes shed tears and the heart grieves, and we say nothing except what pleases our Lord, and that they were grieved by the separation.
The second is a different day, a different child and a different Companion asking the same startled question. A dying grandchild was put into his lap, and his eyes shed tears, and Sa'd asked him what this was. He said it is mercy which Allah has lodged in the hearts of His slaves, and that Allah is merciful to those of His slaves who are merciful. That is the fuller of the two answers. It makes the tears something Allah put there, rather than something you have failed to hold in.
Then the report that the one who slaps his cheeks, tears his clothes and follows the ways of ignorance is not one of us. That is the limit, and notice precisely where it falls. It is on ritualised, destructive lamentation, striking the face, tearing clothing. It is not on tears, because the first two are tears from the very person who set the limit.
Qur’an and Sunnah
The first of three that must always be read together. The death of his infant son Ibrahim. He held him and kissed him, his eyes shed tears, and when a Companion said even you are weeping, he said this is mercy.
Narrated Anas bin Malik:We went with Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) to the blacksmith Abu Saif, and he was the husband of the wet-nurse of Ibrahim (the son of the Prophet). Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) took Ibrahim and kissed him and smelled him and later we entered Abu Saif's house and at that time Ibrahim was in his last breaths, and the eyes of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) started shedding tears. `Abdur Rahman bin `Auf said, "O Allah's Apostle, even you are weeping!" He said, "O Ibn `Auf, this is mercy." Then he wept more and said, "The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim ! Indeed we are grieved by your separation
Sahih al-Bukhari 1303graded sound, sahihaynthe Arabic and its grading
The second, and the fuller of the two answers. A different day, a different child, the same startled question, and the answer that this is mercy which Allah has lodged in the hearts of His slaves. That makes the tears something He put there rather than something you failed to hold in.
Narrated Usama bin Zaid:The daughter of the Prophet (ﷺ) sent (a messenger) to the Prophet (ﷺ) requesting him to come as her child was dying (or was gasping), but the Prophet (ﷺ) returned the messenger and told him to convey his greeting to her and say: "Whatever Allah takes is for Him and whatever He gives, is for Him, and everything with Him has a limited fixed term (in this world) and so she should be patient and hope for Allah's reward." She again sent for him, swearing that he should come. The Prophet (ﷺ) got up, and so did Sa`d bin 'Ubada, Mu`adh bin Jabal, Ubai bin Ka`b, Zaid bin Thabit and some other men. The child was brought to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) while his breath was disturbed in his chest (the sub-narrator thinks that Usama added: ) as if it was a leather water-skin. On that the eyes of the Prophet (ﷺ) started shedding tears. Sa`d said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! What is this?" He replied, "It is mercy which Allah has lodged in the hearts of His slaves, and Allah is merciful only to those of His slaves who are merciful (to others)
Sahih al-Bukhari 1284graded sound, sahihaynthe Arabic and its grading
The third, and notice precisely where the limit falls. On ritualised, destructive lamentation, striking the face and tearing clothing. Not on tears, because the first two are tears from the very person who set the limit.
Narrated `Abdullah:the Prophet (ﷺ) said, "He who slaps his cheeks, tears his clothes and follows the ways and traditions of the Days of Ignorance is not one of us
Sahih al-Bukhari 1294graded sound, sahihaynthe Arabic and its grading