Lesson 3 of 6 · What birr al-walidayn actually requires
The three reports that get quoted at you
These come up whenever an adult child will not do what a parent wants, so read them with their own footnotes attached rather than as slogans.
The first is the report that the Lord's pleasure is in the parent's pleasure. Graded hasan. The printed note on it says that the stronger chain makes it a statement of the Companion Abdullah ibn Amr himself, rather than words attributed directly to the Prophet. That does not make it worthless. It does mean it will not carry the weight it is usually made to carry.
The second is the one where a man says his mother has ordered him to divorce his wife, and Abu ad-Darda answers him by quoting the Prophet on the father being the middle gate of Paradise. Read the two halves separately, because they are not the same thing. What is raised to the Prophet is a saying about a father as a gate. Applying it to a mother's order to divorce is the questioner's situation and Abu ad-Darda's answer to him, and it is not the content of the report he quoted.
The third is the narration of Ibn Umar, whose father told him to divorce a wife he loved, and who was told to do it. This one is authentic and this course is not going to hide it from you. What can honestly be said is that the jurists argued a great deal about whether an instruction given to a particular Companion by a particular father generalises to every parent and every marriage. A position on that is often attributed to a later jurist, and we could not confirm the attribution or where it is written, so we are not repeating it as his. This is one of the places where you need a scholar and not a website.
Qur’an and Sunnah
The first of the three that get quoted at you. Graded hasan, and the printed note comes with it: the stronger chain makes it a statement of the Companion himself rather than words attributed directly to the Prophet. That does not make it worthless. It does mean it will not carry the weight it is usually made to carry.
Abdullah bin Amr narrated that:the Prophet said: "The Lord's pleasure is in the parent's pleasure, and the Lord's anger is in the parent's anger."(Hasan)
Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1899graded sound, albanithe Arabic and its grading
The third, and it is authentic and will not be hidden from you. What can honestly be said is that the jurists argued a great deal about whether an instruction given to a particular Companion by a particular father generalises to every parent and every marriage. A common attribution could not be confirmed and is not repeated. This is one of the places where you need a scholar and not a website.
Narrated Abdullah ibn Umar: A woman was my wife and I loved her, but Umar hated her. He said to me: Divorce her, but I refused. Umar then went to the Prophet (ﷺ) and mentioned that to him. The Prophet (ﷺ) said: Divorce her
Sunan Abi Dawud 5138graded sound, albanithe Arabic and its grading
The second, and read its two halves separately because they are not the same thing. What is raised to the Prophet is a saying about a father as a gate. Applying it to a mother's order to divorce is the questioner's situation and Abu ad-Darda's answer to him, and it is not the content of the report he quoted.
Abu 'Abdur-Rahman As-Sulami narrated from Abu Ad Darda'.:He said that a man came and said : "I have a wife whom my mother has ordered me to divorce." So Abu Ad-Darda said: " I heard the Messenger of Allah saying: 'The father is the middle gate to Paradise. So if you wish, then neglect that door, or protect it
Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1900graded sound, albanithe Arabic and its grading