Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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14 practices

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Once today, ask about a stress from outside the two of you, then just listen. No fixing.

Twenty minutes on their side. Your only job is to understand and be on their team.

Twenty minutesAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 30:21One line of research

When someone with attention difficulties loses the structure around them, the difficulty shows in full. Nothing has got worse in them; the scaffolding that carried part of it has gone.

Bells, a timetable, a teacher at the front, other people visibly working: all of that was taking some of the load. At home the load falls on whoever…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 2:45One line of research

When the fear is about being seen, being asked, being judged, you can build the steps out of real moments: the doorway, the corridor, the dining hall, answering once in a lesson.

Fear of a whole building cannot be practised. Fear of walking into the dining hall at half past twelve can. Make each step small enough to be boring…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 90:11One line of research

If you go silent and shut down, do not just stonewall. Say you need a break, and come back when calm.

Silent withdrawal makes it worse. Name that you are overwhelmed, take twenty minutes, then re-engage.

Twenty minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 33:70One line of research

When either of you floods, take a real break of at least twenty minutes before continuing, and agree when to return.

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Past a certain heat the body cannot hear reason. Stop, settle, and come back at the time you set.

Twenty minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 2:45One line of research

Attention and impulse problems that appear for the first time in middle age or later are not ADHD arriving late. They need a doctor to look, not a prescription.

Several conditions affecting the frontal lobes can show up first as new disinhibition, poor judgement or a change in personality, and some are…

Twenty minutesGetting assessed and diagnosedADHD skillsQur’an 21:7One line of research

If a parent has been saying since the first year of school that something is wrong with their child's reading, start from the assumption that they are right. They have watched more of it than anyone else has.

The usual story is years of being told the child is fine, a little behind, will catch up, and then a diagnosis at nine or ten when the easiest years…

Twenty minutesReading, numbers and learning differencesCoreQur’an 80:3One line of research

If a child is climbing the walls, green space helps most, a walk down a busy street helps a bit, and staying in the room helps least. Any of the three beats none.

The research on this puts them in that order rather than saying only a forest will do. A park, a scruffy playing field, the bit of grass behind the…

Twenty minutesMoving your bodyMedical and treatmentQur’an 29:20One line of research

Among teenagers, saying they want to die has become something you say when the bus is late. You can no longer read intent off the phrase, in either direction.

So the words neither prove there is danger nor prove there is not. What tells you is everything the words leave out: whether there is a plan, whether…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCoreQur’an 4:140One line of research

When a death is filmed and passed around, some of the people who watch it are not all right afterwards, and a few are put in real danger by it. Ask what has been going round.

The question is simple enough. Has anything about someone dying gone round your school or your feed lately, and did you see it. Then ask how it left…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCoreQur’an 6:68One line of research

When a young person with ADHD goes through a first breakup or loses a friendship group, stay closer than usual. Do not wait for the next arranged contact.

Rejection lands harder here, and impulsivity shortens the gap between feeling unbearable and acting on it. A short unannounced check in, a lift…

Twenty minutesShame and stigmaADHD skillsQur’an 39:53One line of research

If a treatment comes with a contract, take it to a solicitor before signing. Not because you cannot read it, but because that puts a few days between the pitch and your signature.

Being told not to sign rarely helps, and it asks somebody to admit in the moment that they might act rashly, which almost nobody does in front of a…

Twenty minutesTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 65:2One line of research

Once the surge is up it takes something like a quarter of an hour to drop, and nothing sensible said inside that window will land. Give it the time first.

This is the point where a parent, a partner or a friend reaches for reasons, and the reasons make it worse. Keep your words few, stay nearby, offer…

Twenty minutesWhat worry doesCBTQur’an 13:28One line of research

When you cannot settle yourself, borrow somebody else's steadiness. Sitting near a calm person, even without talking, is a real thing to try.

Choose by effect rather than by closeness. Some people you love leave you more wound up than you started, and some people you barely know are easy to…

Twenty minutesYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 2:248One line of research