Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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446 practices

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If someone can predict how you drew those circles, they are not reading your mind. We are all running much the same small programmes.

That is worth saying plainly, because the discovery lands as a personal indictment for a lot of people, and shame makes anger worse rather than…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 17:53One line of research

Now draw a fourth circle and choose everything about it: how big, where on the page, which way round, where you start. Notice how much heavier that feels.

The weight is the point. Deliberate control has a texture to it, and most people can feel the difference between the first three circles and the…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 33:70One line of research

After you do something deliberately, skip the question of what you did differently. Ask what it felt like from the inside.

A description of the behaviour leaves you nothing to search for later, because in the moment there will be no paper in front of you. A felt sense is…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 7:201One line of research

Choosing something on purpose usually brings a small lift with it: awake, intentional, oddly free. Do not hurry past that feeling, it is doing work.

People describe it as being at the wheel, and it turns out to be a better reason to keep going than any argument anyone could make to you. So give it…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 42:43One line of research

The circle was never the point. Any break in a running routine will do, because the break itself is what puts you back in the driving seat for a moment.

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Getting assessed and diagnosed

Touch and bodywork

Grounding and settling

What ADHD actually is

Screens and attention

Moving your body

Breathing

Remembering to do it

When everything feels flat

Affection and touch

Feelings and focus

Shared spiritual life

The fear underneath anger

Equanimity and perspective

Treatment and medication

The cost of avoiding

Being seen and judged

Practising under provocation

Posture and how you carry yourself

Shame and stigma

What worry does

Self-compassion

Feeling from the inside

Emotions as signals

When you use something to cope

Your worth is not conditional

Facing it a step at a time

Rebuilding trust

What you are actually defending

Reading, numbers and learning differences

Notice the pattern and flex

Question the thought

Tolerate distress

Obsessions and compulsions

Keep the bond

Get it out of your head

Rituals of connection

Face it gently

Repair after rupture

Anger, alcohol and the body

Panic and the body

Shame

Breaking the worry loop

That is freeing, since it means you do not need the correct exercise. Take a different route, sit in another chair, brush your teeth with the other…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 29:45One line of research

Autopilots are smooth. When something feels slightly awkward and effortful, that is usually the sign that you are genuinely present for it.

It is why the useful practices feel mildly annoying rather than serene. Friction is what you are buying, because attention costs something and the…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 41:35One line of research

Eat a meal with your other hand. Wear your watch on the wrong wrist for a week. Use a fork where you would normally use a spoon. These are cheap rehearsals of the only skill that matters here.

None of them has anything to do with anger, which is precisely why they work: you get to practise noticing and choosing while nothing is at stake and…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 3:134One line of research

When the watch on the wrong wrist keeps bothering you, the honest answer is: good. The bother is what is doing the work, so there is nothing here to fix.

Most people quietly drop these practices at the exact moment they start working, because the irritation reads as a sign that something has gone…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 42:37One line of research

Put your small interruption right before the moment you already know is hard. If it is the drive home, do it as you get into the car.

Anger tends to be patterned rather than random: the same commute, the same meeting, the same hour of the evening, the same name coming up on the…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 3:186One line of research

Treat this as playing a trick on your own mind rather than as another rule to obey. Confusing yourself on purpose is allowed to be funny.

Anger work arrives with a lot of moralising attached, and most people have had their fill of being told what sort of person to be. A lighter framing…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 2:263One line of research

Whichever response you practise is the one getting stronger. Today's small choice is not a test you pass or fail, it is a deposit.

That takes some of the weight off a single bad moment and puts it on the pattern instead. One shouted sentence does not undo a month of catching…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 28:54One line of research

If you tend to go quiet, step back in today and say one honest sentence.

Silence protects you but starves them. One true line reopens the connection.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictEmotionally focusedQur’an 33:70One line of research

If you tend to press, soften your approach today: ask once, gently, then wait.

The push that seeks closeness often creates distance. Try a softer, slower reach.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictEmotionally focusedQur’an 41:34One line of research

On one small slight today, give your spouse the benefit of the doubt out loud in your mind.

The late reply, the short tone. Choose the reading that is not an attack. Usually it is truer.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 49:12Seen more than once

Assume your spouse meant well today, even when it landed wrong, and respond to the intent.

Clumsy is not the same as unkind. Answer what they meant, not only how it came out.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 49:12One line of research

Catch yourself keeping score today, and set the ledger down.

I did this, so they owe that. Love kept as accounting slowly turns cold. Drop the tally.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 24:22One line of research

On the old recurring issue, raise it once this week more gently than you ever have.

Most problems between two people never fully resolve. The task is to soften how you carry them.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 41:34One line of research

Reframe one difference with your spouse as a dream to understand, not a flaw to fix.

Behind their stubborn stance is usually something they value. Ask what it protects.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 49:13One line of research

Lower your voice instead of matching theirs.

When the volume rises today, go the other way. Not silence, not martyrdom. Just quieter. It is one of the few moves that de-escalates without…

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictCoreQur’an 3:159Seen more than once

Yield to win: give ground in a disagreement the way you would for someone you love, not as a defeat.

Accepting influence from your partner is strength, not weakness. Generosity in giving in wins the relationship.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 2:237One line of research