Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

What matches

257 practices

Narrow these down

Point at the body. 'Your hands went up just then', or 'you put your head in your hands', gives a feeling something solid to stand on.

Feelings argued about in the abstract go round and round. A gesture you both just watched is much harder to dispute, and it opens a door: what was…

A minuteEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 39:23One line of research

When you are already angry, imagining your way into someone else's head asks the tired part of you to do the heavy lifting. Start with your body instead: look at their face, let your breathing and your shoulders come closer to theirs.

Perspective taking is a fine skill on a calm day. In the middle of a row it tends to slide into arguing with a version of the other person you have…

A minuteGrowing empathyBody basedQur’an 9:128One line of research

Anger has a shape before it has words. The body turns half away, a hand comes up, and the whole posture is saying no to something that has already happened.

Next time you feel it starting, look at your own hands and shoulders rather than at the other person. You can even take the posture on purpose for a…

A minuteEquanimity and perspectiveCoreQur’an 57:22One line of research

The hand you put up to fend someone off is already halfway to a fist. There is no clean place to stop once the movement is underway, which is why the early moment is the one worth having.

In practice that moment is smaller than you expect: the first flick of heat, the sentence forming that starts with you always. That is when stepping…

A minuteEquanimity and perspectiveCoreQur’an 2:156One line of research

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Knowing your partner

Safety and grounding

Treatment and medication

The cost of avoiding

Name what you feel

Emotions as signals

Food, caffeine and fuel

Patience and trust

Calm the body

Breathing

Being seen and judged

Working with anger

Meaning after harm

Righteous anger and perfectionism

Let the wave come

Ride the urge

Feeling from the inside

Question the thought

Shame and stigma

Systems for daily life

Your window of tolerance

What ADHD actually is

Validate yourself and others

Treatment and medication

Shared spiritual life

Your sense of time

Repair after rupture

Rebuild trust

Posture and how you carry yourself

Panic and the body

Obsessions and compulsions

Medication and how it works

Listen to the body

Act on your values

Getting assessed and diagnosed

Facing it a step at a time

Letting it out safely

Growing empathy

Breaking the worry loop

Care for yourself in loss

Holding your tongue is expensive. It is fairer to admit that than to pretend the calmer version of you comes free.

Cost that goes unacknowledged turns into resentment, and resentment leaks out later in a shape you did not choose. Say it plainly to yourself…

A minuteEquanimity and perspectiveCoreQur’an 41:46One line of research

People have held themselves still through pain most of us cannot imagine. That does not make your Tuesday easier, but it moves the question from whether restraint is possible to how much you have trained.

The famous examples are extreme and they are not a target. What they establish is that the link between what the body is screaming and what the body…

A minuteEquanimity and perspectiveCoreQur’an 2:286One line of research

An urge has a shape. It rises, it peaks, and if you do not feed it, it falls away. Most people have never once watched one the whole way through.

Try it on a small one. Notice it start, keep your hands still and your mouth closed, and count how long it takes to fade. Slow breathing gives you…

A minuteEquanimity and perspectiveCoreQur’an 3:173One line of research

Faces in the curtains, a figure in the dark: the part of you that spots danger would rather be wrong ten times than miss once. It reads people the same way.

That bias is old and cheap insurance rather than stupidity. Knowing it is running lets you add a second look before you act, especially with thin…

A minuteEquanimity and perspectiveMindfulnessQur’an 9:129One line of research

Listen to how you narrate it to yourself. What on earth is this nonsense keeps the heat on. I am puzzled, what might this be does not.

The words are not cosmetic. Outraged narration keeps the body up, and curiosity is hard to hold at the same time as fury. Choose your replacement…

A minuteEquanimity and perspectiveMindfulnessQur’an 3:191One line of research

Focus on the person and it feels personal. Widen out to what is around them, the hour, the queue, the week they are having, and it usually stops being about you.

That single instruction covers a lot of ground: it works on a picture, on a rude reply, and on your own attention when it has narrowed to one face.…

A minuteEquanimity and perspectiveMindfulnessQur’an 20:131One line of research

Not knowing what somebody else is carrying is reason enough to go easy on them. It is certainty about what they deserve that gives cruelty its permission.

You do not need a generous story about the person in order to hold back. Maybe is enough: maybe they are frightened, maybe something happened this…

A minuteEquanimity and perspectiveMindfulnessQur’an 2:155One line of research

There is a way of meeting a charge that does not involve charging back. You let it arrive, you move, and the force goes past you.

In practice this looks like standing still, breathing out slowly, and saying very little while the other person spends what they came with. Not…

A minuteEquanimity and perspectiveMindfulnessQur’an 57:22One line of research

There is motion sitting inside the word emotion. Big feelings come out through the body, so if you cannot keep still while you are grieving, that is the feeling moving rather than something going wrong with you.

Think how strange it would be if someone heard they had come into a fortune and just said thank you and carried on with the morning. Joy gets up and…

A minuteLetting it out safelyGriefQur’an 12:84One line of research

When a child digs in, try reading it as frightened rather than difficult. Most of them want to get this right and simply do not yet know how.

Refusal that looks like defiance is usually fear sitting on top of a missing skill, and those two call for different responses. Treat it as defiance…

A minuteFacing it a step at a timeCBTQur’an 4:28One line of research

One of the earliest signs that you are drifting out of the present is that your hands and feet go vague. Not numb exactly, just less there.

It tends to happen before you notice you have gone anywhere. If you learn your own version of it, you get an early warning: a chance to press your…

A minuteFeeling from the insideBody basedQur’an 41:53One line of research

When what is happening inside gets too loud, turn outward. Name what you can see, listen for the furthest sound, press your feet into the floor.

This is not avoidance. The outward senses and the sense of where your body sits both carry information about now, which is exactly what the flooding…

A minuteFeeling from the insideBody basedQur’an 9:118One line of research

The unkind thoughts tend to arrive in a handful of familiar shapes. One friend is busy so nobody wants you. One bad mark so you are going to fail everything. Someone did not say hello so they must dislike you.

Rather than fighting the content, try naming the shape: that is the all or nothing one, that is the mind reading one. Most people find they only have…

A minuteFeelings and focusCBTQur’an 91:8One line of research

A small child does not have a feeling, they are the feeling, entirely, until it passes. Growing up is largely a gap opening between feeling something and doing something about it.

If that gap is narrower for you than for other people your age, it is a lag on a road everyone is on rather than a defect. The framing is worth…

A minuteFeelings and focusADHD skillsQur’an 8:11One line of research

A strong feeling makes the rest of your life go quiet for a while. That is when people resign, send the message, or start something they cannot undo, for reasons that seem good and are not enough.

So make a rule now, while it is calm, about which decisions are never made on the day: leaving a job, ending a relationship, spending a large amount,…

A minuteFeelings and focusADHD skillsQur’an 23:97One line of research

A small annoyance can be steered. A full blaze cannot. Nearly all of the winnable work happens in the first thirty seconds, before the feeling has finished arriving.

Which means the skill to practise is noticing, not calming down. Learn your own early signs: the jaw, the hot face, talking faster, the flat voice,…

A minuteFeelings and focusADHD skillsQur’an 50:16One line of research