Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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822 practices

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Wear something slightly odd for a day. A strange tie, a shirt you would normally think twice about, nothing that would embarrass anybody else.

You choose the intensity, which is what makes this a good place to start. Mild enough and you will barely notice it. A step further and you will feel…

Five minutesPractising under provocationCBTQur’an 73:10One line of research

Working on anger is not meant to leave you with nothing to say. The aim is to keep the objection and let go of the force it was riding on.

Two things are worth pulling apart: whether something has genuinely gone wrong, and how hot your body has gone about it. A good share of the heat…

Five minutesPractising under provocationCBTQur’an 16:126One line of research

You can be genuinely indignant and still say the thing evenly. The feeling does not have to travel in your voice.

Notice what actually changes when the heat comes out of it: the words stay, the point stays, the volume and the edge go. It helps to know beforehand…

Five minutesPractising under provocationCBTQur’an 41:34One line of research

Name one hard thing today and ask what it might be growing in you: patience, humility, nearness to God.

Not denying the difficulty. Finding the meaning inside it that makes it bearable.

Five minutesQuestion the thoughtCoreQur’an 94:5One line of research

Name the specific moment your partner was not there when you needed them most, and how deeply it wounded you.

Some wounds are attachment injuries: a betrayal or abandonment at a crucial moment of need that redefines the relationship as unsafe. Healing begins…

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Screens and attention

Grounding and settling

What you are actually defending

Food, caffeine and fuel

Structure and routine

Emotions as signals

Righteous anger and perfectionism

Breathing

The cost of avoiding

Feeling from the inside

Growing empathy

Staying regulated in conflict

Rebuilding trust

Being seen and judged

Treatment and medication

Knowing your partner

Making it stick

Breaking the worry loop

Cool the body first

Shame and stigma

Remembering to do it

When you use something to cope

Self-compassion

Listening and understanding

When anger turns to harm

Tolerate distress

Shared spiritual life

Facing it a step at a time

Reading, numbers and learning differences

Posture and how you carry yourself

Rituals of connection

Use your strengths

Obsessions and compulsions

Repair after rupture

Anger, alcohol and the body

Living with uncertainty

Your window of tolerance

Working with anger

Your worth is not conditional

Notice the pattern and flex

Let the wave come

Help someone grieving

Get it out of your head

Face it gently

Calm the body

Ask and say no well

Five minutesRebuilding trustEmotionally focusedQur’an 12:86One line of research

If you caused the injury, acknowledge your partner's pain, own your part, and stay present with them; do not defend or flee.

The one who caused the wound helps most by receiving the pain, taking responsibility, and expressing genuine regret while staying emotionally…

Five minutesRebuilding trustEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:135One line of research

The partner who broke trust answers questions with complete transparency and hides nothing going forward.

Rebuilding trust means an open life: whereabouts, contacts, the truth, offered freely rather than pried out.

Five minutesRebuilding trustGottmanQur’an 9:119One line of research

The one who caused the hurt listens to the pain non-defensively, without excuses, as long as it is needed.

Do not rush the hurt partner or defend yourself. Bear their anger and grief with patience; it is part of repair.

Five minutesRebuilding trustGottmanQur’an 42:43One line of research

A betrayal is the choice of the one who made it. Unhappiness never forced it, and it is not the hurt partner's fault.

A struggling marriage is one thing; how a person responds to it is their own choice. Do not carry blame that is not yours.

Five minutesRebuilding trustGottmanQur’an 6:164One line of research

Do not try to restore the old marriage. Build a new one, on honesty, transparency, and witnessing each other's truths.

The relationship before cannot be recovered as it was. Aim instead for a second marriage, to the same person, on firmer ground.

Five minutesRebuilding trustGottmanQur’an 30:21One line of research

Aim for real forgiveness that comes with repair, not a cheap forgiveness that papers over the wound to keep the peace.

Forgiving too fast, before atonement and change, buries the injury alive. True forgiveness follows real repair.

Five minutesRebuilding trustGottmanQur’an 24:22One line of research

Let one trustworthy person in slowly. Trust is rebuilt in small, safe steps, not all at once.

You do not owe everyone access, and you do not have to stay walled off forever. One safe person, by degrees.

Five minutesRebuild trustTrauma informedQur’an 3:159One line of research

When a past hurt overwhelms you, reach toward a safe person instead of cutting yourself off. Connection is part of healing, not a distraction from it.

Trauma pulls you to withdraw, but isolation is exactly what deepens it. Letting even one trusted person stay close, when everything in you wants to…

Five minutesRebuild trustTrauma informedQur’an 3:103One line of research

Remembering to do something later is really two jobs stacked on each other. You have to keep hold of the thing itself, and you have to keep some feel for how the hours are passing, and both have to be working at the same moment.

That is why this fails more often than either piece alone, and why it is the failure other people see. Seeing it as two jobs splits the fix in two as…

Five minutesRemembering to do itADHD skillsQur’an 20:115One line of research

Add up what forgetting costs you in money over a year. Late fees, the higher interest that comes with a dented credit score, next day delivery bought at eleven at night for a birthday you have known about since January.

Being told to get organised in the abstract lands on nothing. A number lands. Put last year's late charges and rush postage at the top of the page…

Five minutesRemembering to do itADHD skillsQur’an 17:34One line of research

If you are going to ask someone to remind you, tie it to something they want as well. Reminding you to book the car in is much easier when it is also their car.

Asked as a favour it becomes a job they never applied for, and resentment collects quietly on both sides. Asked as a shared arrangement it lasts. Be…

Five minutesRemembering to do itADHD skillsQur’an 51:55One line of research

Notice how often a forgotten job turns up in the shower, or halfway up a flight of stairs. That is not coincidence: when nothing is holding your attention, the things you meant to do float up.

Which means those minutes are quietly doing work, and filling every one of them with a phone takes the mechanism away. Keep something to capture with…

Five minutesRemembering to do itADHD skillsQur’an 20:14One line of research

When someone hands you a date, the useful move is not writing the date down. Open your calendar there and then and decide the hour the work will actually happen.

A deadline only announces itself at the very end, when there is no room left to do anything about it. Booking the doing rather than the due date…

Five minutesRemembering to do itADHD skillsQur’an 18:23One line of research

The standard was never that you drop nothing. It is that the effort is steady and visible, and the misses that remain get some grace.

This matters as much for the person waiting on you as it does for you. Perfection gives them nothing to notice and gives you nothing to reach, so…

Five minutesRemembering to do itADHD skillsQur’an 2:286One line of research

Apologise for what landed, not for what you meant.

If you owe an apology today, leave out the word "if" and leave out your intentions. Name what you actually did and what it cost them. "I dismissed…

Five minutesRepair after ruptureCoreQur’an 4:128Seen more than once