Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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57 practices

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When someone reminds you often enough, things do get done. But the sense of time doing the work is theirs, which is why it all collapses the moment they stop.

Worth naming out loud in a household, because the reminding costs the relationship something and never builds the missing part. A better arrangement…

Twenty minutesYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 103:3One line of research

A friend or a counsellor telling you that you are not a monster helps, and it only takes you so far. The shame usually sits with one particular person, and it eases most when that person hears the thing and stays.

So aim a disclosure carefully rather than widely. Choose the person the shame is actually about, pick a moment with room in it, and say the small…

Twenty minutesShameEmotionally focusedQur’an 66:8One line of research

Ask your spouse about a dream they hold for their life, and one small way you could back it.

Not a task for this week. A hope for their life. Knowing it, and helping toward it, joins two lives.

Twenty minutesShared spiritual lifeGottmanQur’an 5:2One line of research

Take one concrete action this week toward a goal your spouse cares about.

Watch the kids so they can study. Make the call they dread. Move their dream one inch.

Twenty minutesShared spiritual lifeGottmanQur’an 5:2One line of research

Talk with your spouse about what your roles at home mean to each of you, not just who does what.

Not a chore chart. What providing, nurturing, or protecting means to you underneath.

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Twenty minutesShared spiritual lifeGottmanQur’an 66:6One line of research

Name one goal you are building toward together, and say it out loud as ours.

The home, the children's upbringing, a habit of worship. Something you are making together.

Twenty minutesShared spiritual lifeGottmanQur’an 25:74One line of research

Agree with your spouse on one value you want your home to stand for, and live it this week.

Generosity, honesty, patience, prayer. Pick one, name it, and let it show in the house.

Twenty minutesShared spiritual lifeGottmanQur’an 20:132One line of research

Tell your children, or each other, one good part of your story of us.

How you met, a hard thing you got through, why you are proud of this we. Say it aloud.

Twenty minutesShared spiritual lifeGottmanQur’an 30:21One line of research

Wake gently for a prayer together at night, even once this week.

A shared moment turned toward God, in the quiet of the night, binds two hearts to something larger than themselves.

Twenty minutesShared spiritual lifeCoreQur’an 25:74Seen more than once

In a bad moment your attention, your seeing and your remembering all narrow onto the threat. So your memory of the row is a partial recording, and so is theirs.

Worth holding on to before you go back over who said what. Neither of you is necessarily lying when the two accounts differ. Starting with here is…

Twenty minutesThe moment before you snapCoreQur’an 7:154One line of research

A great many people are diagnosed and then left with a starting dose nobody ever revisited, no reading, no group, nothing else at all. If things have stalled, the first thing to check is whether the treatment was ever actually finished.

Optimising is unglamorous and often the quickest thing available. Was the dose ever adjusted upwards, and on what basis. Does the cover reach the…

Twenty minutesTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 65:2One line of research

If the prescriber, coach or therapist is not delivering much, say so and ask for someone else. Working around poor care quietly is the thing that convinces a couple this is simply as good as it gets.

A dose never revisited, or a therapist who has never worked with ADHD, sets a low ceiling. The trouble is that the ceiling gets read as the person:…

Twenty minutesTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 12:87One line of research

Sleep, food and movement will not cure anything, but they lengthen the fuse. Bad moments still arrive, and you handle them differently when your body is not already running on empty.

This matters more here than it sounds, because ADHD tends to wreck exactly these three and then the wreckage feeds back into the flare ups. Late…

Twenty minutesTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 4:28One line of research

Relationships take a lot of the strain here, and the usual shape is one person quietly carrying all the planning while the other feels constantly told off. Both halves are worth naming out loud before resentment sets hard.

The practical work is splitting the load by what each of you is actually good at rather than down the middle, and putting the shared admin somewhere…

Twenty minutesWhat ADHD actually isADHD skillsQur’an 11:118One line of research

ADHD reaches into a marriage in ways couples rarely say out loud: attention drifting during a conversation that mattered, or a partner who has started to feel like an unpaid manager. It is a fair thing to talk about and to get help with.

The hurt usually comes from what each of you concludes rather than from the behaviour itself. One reads distraction as not being loved, the other…

Twenty minutesWhat ADHD actually isADHD skillsQur’an 11:118One line of research

Your family had its own rules about anger, quite apart from anything cultural. Those are the ones that shaped you, and they can be renegotiated.

Name two of them plainly. Nobody leaves the table. Whoever shouts loudest wins. We do not mention it the next day. Then ask which you still want.…

Twenty minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 2:263One line of research

Connection settles people, but the right amount of it varies enormously. Some settle with a house full of family and some with one person and no talking at all.

If closeness costs you something, plan around that rather than pushing through. Shorter visits, sitting side by side instead of face to face, a walk…

Twenty minutesYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 2:260One line of research