Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

What matches

408 practices

Narrow these down

Aim for the cat rather than the dog. The dog goes off the second the door knocks, while the cat waits, watches, and still moves decisively when it decides to move.

Plenty of people hear delay as backing down, and would rather explode than be walked over. Watching an animal that waits without being timid…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 43:89One line of research

You are free while you are still deciding. The moment the words leave your mouth you are carrying out an order you gave, and stopping mid sentence is much harder than not starting.

This is why everything useful in this work sits early: noticing sooner, waiting before you answer, settling on your line before you knock on the…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 7:200One line of research

Picture a line of dominoes with a gap where one should be. That gap is what a single pause does: it stops a whole run of things, not only the next sentence out of your mouth.

This is why one interruption is worth what it costs you. The angry line you do not say is also the reply you do not get, the evening that does not go…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 41:36One line of research

When somebody's voice climbs, let yours stay where it is. Staying level is not backing down, and in the room it usually reads as the stronger position.

Slow breathing, standing still, looking interested rather than braced: none of that is passive and none of it is agreement. An argument escalates…

A minuteChoosing your responseCBTQur’an 25:63One line of research

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

What worry does

Breaking the worry loop

Food, caffeine and fuel

Letting it out safely

Facing it a step at a time

When everything feels flat

Get started

Treatment and medication

Shame and stigma

What you are actually defending

Posture and how you carry yourself

Righteous anger and perfectionism

Obsessions and compulsions

Name what you feel

Growing empathy

Getting assessed and diagnosed

Ride the urge

Safety and grounding

Screens and attention

Self-compassion

Your sense of time

Patience and trust

Exercise, food and other supports

Meaning after harm

Knowing your partner

When you use something to cope

Being seen and judged

Answering bids

When anger turns to harm

Your window of tolerance

What ADHD actually is

Care for yourself in loss

Validate yourself and others

Act on your values

Remembering to do it

Anger, alcohol and the body

The cost of avoiding

Affection and touch

Reading, numbers and learning differences

Listen to the body

Panic and the body

Rebuild trust

Gritting your teeth works right up until you are tired, hungry or already stretched. Watching the anger from a small distance is the steadier option, because it does not need holding up.

Keeping a lid down costs effort, and the effort runs out at the end of a long day, which is exactly when you need it. The observing stance is…

Five minutesChoosing your responseMindfulnessQur’an 15:85One line of research

You are free in principle and a good deal less free at half past eleven at night in the middle of a row. Freedom is a capacity that rises and falls, which also means it can be built.

On autopilot, hijacked, exhausted or drunk, the choice is technically yours and practically not. Knowing that without shame moves the question from…

Five minutesChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 5:8One line of research

You are free while you are still weighing something up, and once you have chosen you carry that choice until the next one comes round. So the useful thing is to have more of those moments, not to make one perfect decision.

Treat a hard evening as a run of small forks rather than one big test you pass or fail. Reply now or in an hour. Say the sentence or leave it. Stay…

Five minutesChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 23:96One line of research

There is no point reasoning with yourself while you are still lit up. Wake the part of you that does the reasoning first, then hand it the problem.

Under real arousal the clever reframes you learned are simply not available, which is why they seem to evaporate exactly when they are needed.…

Five minutesChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 2:153One line of research

There is a difference between stepping out and storming out, and most of it sits in whether the other person knows you are coming back.

Two failures sit either side of this one. The first is staying in the room until something is said that cannot be unsaid. The second is going quiet…

Five minutesChoosing your responseGottmanQur’an 43:89One line of research

A break only counts if you come back. Notice the anger, leave the room, actually settle yourself, then return and finish the conversation.

Most people manage the leaving and skip the settling, so they spend twenty minutes rehearsing their case and come back more wound up than when they…

Twenty minutesChoosing your responseGottmanQur’an 2:153One line of research

You may need to leave and come back two or three times before one conversation is finished. That is normal, not a sign that the skill is not working.

Bodies come down slowly. You can feel steady enough to return, sit down, hear one sentence and be right back at the top again. Knowing that in…

Twenty minutesChoosing your responseGottmanQur’an 3:186One line of research

Before your next move in a fight, take one slow breath and choose it on purpose.

One breath is a doorway between the trigger and the reaction. Step through it.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:134One line of research

In the split second before you shut down or snap, notice the hurt or fear that flashed through you, and hold onto it.

Reactions like going cold or hitting back happen fast, but just before them is a brief flash of a deeper feeling: defeat, fear, hopelessness.…

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictEmotionally focusedQur’an 50:16One line of research

Before you reply to something that stung, quietly rate how stirred up you are, one to ten.

Naming the number makes the feeling something you are watching, rather than something driving you.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictCoreQur’an 3:134One line of research

Breathe out for longer than you breathe in, six slow times, before you answer.

A longer out-breath settles the body first, so your words come from a calmer place.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictCoreQur’an 42:37One line of research

Give any reply to a difficult message a full hour before you send it.

An hour is usually enough for the sting to fade and your kinder, clearer self to return.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictCoreQur’an 3:134One line of research

When you spot a fault in your partner, look for it in yourself; when you claim a virtue, look for it in them.

This assumption of similarity keeps you humble and softens contempt in the middle of a disagreement.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 53:32One line of research

When it heats up today, slow everything down: your voice, your breath, your pace.

Speed is the fuel of a fight. Halve your tempo and the heat drops with it.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictEmotionally focusedQur’an 31:19Seen more than once

When you feel flooded today, name it and take a real break before you say a word.

Racing heart, tight chest, that is the signal. Step away, breathe, come back when steady.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 3:134Seen more than once

On a break, do not rehearse how wronged you are. Let the grievance go and let your body settle.

Thoughts like I do not have to take this keep you flooded. Turn to something calming instead.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 13:28One line of research