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Your body
You cannot think your way out of a body that is braced. This area starts there: the breath, the ground under you, moving, eating, resting, and the small physical things that change how the rest of the day lands.
What works for this
Working from the body first
A body that has not slept, eaten or moved has less left over for holding itself steady. Changing the state you are in is often faster than changing the thoughts you are having, and it is more reliable when you are already worn out.
One move, today
A long slow out breath, longer than the in breath, three times. The out breath is the part that does the work.
What matches
53 practicesBreath work goes straight into the body, and for some people that is the problem. If your panic has ever been about not getting enough air, putting your attention on your breathing can set it off rather than settle it.
Asthma, a history of choking or smothering, panic that arrives through the chest: any of these makes the breath a loaded place to put your attention.…
The famous count is not automatically your count. One teacher finds that adding a pause after the inhale wakes her up, while the plain long exhale has her asleep within three breaths.
Protocols get passed around because they worked for someone, often someone with a large audience. That is not the same as fitting you. Keep the shape…
When you are flat rather than wound up, try this. Rub your palms together until they feel awake, let them rest, then breathe in as your arms lift and out as they lower, two or three times.
Sluggish, heavy, far away: those states rarely respond to more calming. A bit of friction in the hands, some movement through the arms and a fuller…
For when you are stuck in shutdown there is a faster practice: short sharp exhales driven from the belly, letting each in breath happen by itself, about twenty of them.
It is meant to rouse, so expect to feel more awake and a little buzzy afterwards rather than calm. Twenty is plenty. Sit down before you start so…
Breath is the quickest way you have of turning your own nervous system up or down. Nothing else you can simply decide to do works on that timescale.
Your heart rate already rises slightly as you breathe in and falls as you breathe out, on every breath. So changing how you breathe changes something…
The pull towards bread, pasta and biscuits when you are low is not simply greed. Carbohydrate makes it easier for the brain to get hold of the raw material it needs for serotonin, so it gives a real if short lived lift.
Calling it self medication instead of a failure of character changes what you do next. You stop trying to out-discipline the craving and start asking…
Allergies turn up more often alongside ADHD than chance would predict. Worth mentioning your allergy history at an assessment even when nobody asks, since the two seem to travel together.
The likeliest explanation is not that one causes the other. It is that some of the same underlying wiring makes both more likely in the same person.…
Some foods are formulated to be hard to stop eating. That is a design brief rather than a flaw in you, and it goes some way to explaining why one particular snack is the one you think about at eleven at night.
Knowing this moves the fight somewhere you can win it. Willpower at the moment of craving is a poor bet, and a decision made in the shop is a much…
Put a rubber band round your water bottle for each refill you want to get through today, and slide one off each time you finish it. Nothing to remember, nothing to buy, and you can see where you are at a glance.
Tracking anything in your head is hard when your head is already full, and harder still when concentration is one of the things that has taken a hit.…
One of the earliest signs that you are drifting out of the present is that your hands and feet go vague. Not numb exactly, just less there.
It tends to happen before you notice you have gone anywhere. If you learn your own version of it, you get an early warning: a chance to press your…
Four steps you can do in ten seconds in the middle of anything: stop, take one breath, look at what is actually happening, then carry on.
It fits inside an argument, a shopping queue, the second before you send a message you will regret. The value is not the breath itself, it is the…
Cold water on your face, especially around the eyes and cheeks, slows things down fast. Splash it, or hold a cold flannel there for half a minute.
This is one of the few things that works when you are too far gone to concentrate on anything. It asks for no skill and no privacy beyond a tap. Lean…
Cross your arms over your chest, hook your thumbs together, and tap your shoulders slowly, left then right. You set the pressure and the speed.
Twenty or thirty seconds is enough to feel something shift, and most people find the breath falls into step with the tapping on its own. Warmth in…
You do not need a diagnosis to be worth teaching this to. Something that takes seconds, costs nothing and travels with you is worth having before you need it.
Practise it on an ordinary day, sitting on the bus or waiting for the kettle, so your hands already know it when the day is not ordinary. That is…
Trace a square in the air with your finger while you breathe: in for four along the first side, hold for four, out for four, hold for four.
The counting brings the breath down to somewhere between four and six a minute, depending on how fast you count, which is the range most of the heart…
In the thick of it, keep your eyes open and give them something outside you to rest on. A fingertip, a doorframe, the line where the wall meets the ceiling.
Closing your eyes takes away the evidence that you are here and safe, and for some people it lets images in that they were holding off. Most…
Breathe in, then let it out as a sigh you can actually hear. Not a polite one.
The sound is the point. A silent out breath does some of the work, and letting the voice into it adds a bit more, which is probably why sighing turns…
Tap the fleshy side of one hand with the other and say it plainly: even though I am feeling all this in my body right now, I can accept that this is how I am.
You can strip away everything else and this part still stands up. Naming the state and accepting it in the same sentence blocks the second wave, the…
Before you try anything, give your distress a number out of ten. Do the thing. Then give it a number again.
Even a drop from eight to six is worth having, because you were the one who moved it. That is often the more important result: not the two points,…
When you have gone numb rather than frantic, try a long low sound on the out breath. Voo, drawn out until the breath runs out, so your lips and chest buzz with it.
This is for the flat, far away state, not the racing one. The buzz gives you something unmistakable to feel when nothing else is registering, which…
Rest one hand on your forehead and the other on your chest. After a few minutes, move the forehead hand down to your belly. Eyes open or closed, whichever you prefer.
Again the instruction is only to notice what goes on between the two hands. That noticing is quietly the training: it is body awareness arriving…
Two senses rarely get named: the one that tells you where your limbs are, and the one that tells you which way is up. Pressing your feet into the floor or slowly turning your head feeds both.
When someone feels unreal, or far away from their own body, these are the channels that have gone quiet. They carry plain information with no feeling…
Keep one strong smell for when you have gone flat, lemon or peppermint, and one soft smell for when you are wound up, something like lavender. Smell asks nothing of you, which is its whole advantage.
Set this up in advance, because the moment you need it is the moment you will not feel like planning. A small bottle in a bag, a sprig in a pocket, a…
For coming down, something sweet taken slowly tends to help more than anything you chew: sipped through a straw, or let dissolve on the tongue. Nobody around you can tell you are doing it.
Slow sucking soothes in a way that goes right back to the first weeks of life, and it is quiet enough to use in a meeting, on a bus, in a waiting…
When you have gone flat and far away, chew something noisy or blow something: pretzels, raw carrot, bubbles, a slow puff at a candle flame. It lifts you without tipping you into panic.
Collapse does not respond to calming, since you are already too far down for that. What helps is work for the jaw and a long active out breath, both…
Before you walk into a room with someone, ask what you are carrying in with you, and what you are likely to leave behind when you go.
State travels ahead of words. A hard conversation an hour ago, a bad night, a piece of news you have not dealt with: any of it will be in the room…
When you sit down to breathe, notice your pelvis. Tucked hard under or tipped hard forward both squeeze the breath; somewhere in the middle lets the diaphragm move.
Rock gently forward and back a few times and stop where the breath feels easiest, rather than aiming for a posture that looks correct. You will…
If the word exercise makes you flinch, drop it. Say moving about, or getting out, and see whether a plan turns up.
For a lot of people that word carries school changing rooms and years of not keeping things up. Swap it and the list of things that count grows:…
Missing a day is not the end of the programme. You missed a day. Tomorrow you carry on.
The dangerous part is not the missed session, it is the story that follows it, the one where you have blown it so you may as well stop altogether.…
When you reach a goal, stop and let yourself register it before moving on to the next one. Otherwise you collect achievements and never feel any of them.
The pause can be tiny. Say out loud what you did, tell someone, sit with it for a minute, thank God for it. Racing straight on to the next target…
One minute of moving between tasks. Star jumps, a lap of the corridor, anything that gets the blood going before you sit down to the next thing.
Classrooms that do this report smoother changeovers and better recall of whatever was just taught. The same trick works at a desk: end one job, move…
A silent room is not restful for everybody. If every cough and creaking knee pulls at you, ask for music or bring headphones with something plain in them.
Too little going on can be as unsettling as too much. A low steady sound covers the sudden little noises that keep snagging your attention. Some…
Notice one thing your body is telling you right now. Thirsty, needing the loo, shoulders up somewhere near your ears. That noticing is a skill and it does come back with use.
Long stretches of stress teach you to override the body's signals until you stop hearing them at all. Then hunger, tiredness and the early edge of…
Most of the traffic on the nerve joining your gut, heart and lungs to your brain is heading upwards. When your stomach turns or your chest tightens, your body is reporting in.
It helps to treat those sensations as messages rather than faults to be got rid of. Next time your stomach drops before a difficult phone call, try…
Not every kind of quiet is calm. Settled feels warm and present. Shut down feels flat, far away and oddly fine.
Learning the difference in your own body is worth the trouble, because the two states need opposite things. If you are settled, stay there. If you…
Before picking a calming technique, work out which way you are off. Revved up and shut down need opposite things.
Wound up: slow the out breath, lower the lights, less input. Shut down: more input, movement, sound, a change of room. The common mistake is running…
You can tell you are settled by small signs: your breath sits low in your belly, feelings arrive in waves rather than floods, and you can think and feel at the same time.
Other markers: your voice has some tune in it, you can take in new information, you can read what is happening on someone else's face. Knowing your…
A gut feeling is a real signal rather than a turn of phrase. The chemicals that carry emotion in your brain are also at work in your heart and your gut.
This matters most if you grew up being told your read on a situation was wrong. Noticing the sensation, naming it, then checking it against what you…
The calm and connected part of this system speaks through your face, your voice, your ears and your heart. That is why those are the places to work.
A softer face, a slower voice, unhurried breathing and something friendly to look at are not decoration. They are the reachable end of the circuit…
Calm can feel unsafe if you have not had much of it. Take it in small amounts and let it be strange at first.
Grounding exercises sometimes leave people more agitated rather than less, and then they decide they are doing it wrong. Often the truth is that…