Practices

Ask open questions that cannot be answered yes or no, then really listen to the answer.

Tell me the story of that opens the heart. Follow up on what you hear instead of waiting to talk.

Hold your advice until you fully understand, or until it is asked for. Understanding always comes before solutions.

Words of understanding must precede any words of advice. Always. Fix later, if at all.

Say back what you heard, then validate: I hear you saying this, and it makes sense you would feel that way.

Validation is not agreement. It is showing you understand even part of their experience.

Under every complaint or hard feeling there is a longing. Listen for the wish underneath.

Behind the anger or sadness is a desire. Find the longing and you find what they actually need.

Do not stay hidden. Tell your partner about your day, your worries, your inner world.

Hiding your reality to protect them keeps you strangers. Let them know you.

You can say what an SSRI does in one sentence. It blocks the doorway that carries serotonin back out of the gap between two nerve cells, so more of it stays there for longer and is likelier to be picked up.

Worth being able to say plainly, because most people are carrying something vaguer and more frightening than that. It also sets a fair expectation.…

Serotonin syndrome comes from stacking, and the second agent is usually something nobody thought to mention: a migraine tablet, a cough medicine, a herbal remedy for low mood.

Triptans, tramadol, dextromethorphan, linezolid and St John's wort all count, as do other antidepressants. Someone who mentions in passing that they…

The standing side-effect list is sexual difficulty, less appetite, an unsettled stomach, disturbed sleep and headache. Sexual side effects are common, and almost nobody raises them unprompted.

So ask directly, and ask about sleep while you are there. People do not usually announce these things. They quietly stop taking the tablet and say…

If you know something about a person's history that the prescriber may not, say it. A past eating disorder or a single seizure can change what is safe to prescribe.

Bupropion lowers the seizure threshold, and in someone who is purging, restricting or very underweight that risk climbs meaningfully. The therapist…

If a young driver in your house takes medication, the dose and the car keys belong together. Driving is the everyday task where one lost second costs the most.

The gap tends to open at weekends and in the holidays, when the dose gets skipped because there is no school and then someone drives anyway. Make it…

If swallowing the capsule is the sticking point, ask whether yours is the bead type that can be opened and tipped onto a spoonful of soft food. The little beads go down unchewed and the medicine still lasts as long as it should.

Inside these capsules sit lots of coated pellets, some with thin coats that dissolve early and some with thicker coats that dissolve later, which is…

There is now a version taken in the evening that only switches on around nine hours later, so it is already working when you wake. The point of it is the morning, not the night.

Most families know the first hour of the day as the worst one, because the tablet taken at breakfast has not started yet and everyone still has to…

Saying that medication helps is not the same as saying everyone should be on it. If you have walked in braced for a push, it is fine to say so at the start.

Plenty of people do well with sleep, movement, work that suits them and someone in their corner, and plenty of people need all of that and a tablet…

Most long acting stimulant capsules hold two sorts of beads, one that dissolves straight away and one coated to dissolve later. That is the whole reason a single morning capsule can do what used to need a lunchtime dose as well.

It matters because the midday dose was the one that got missed, and missing it was rarely carelessness. A dose that has to be remembered in the…

Long acting stimulants are the usual starting point for a plain reason: they cover the most hours and they remove the lunchtime dose, which is the dose ADHD is most likely to swallow whole.

Remembering a tablet in the middle of a busy day is itself an executive task, so asking for it is asking the person to do the thing they came for…