Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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24 practices

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Make one greeting or parting linger a few seconds longer than usual today.

A held hug at the door, a real kiss, not the quick automatic one. Let it last.

A minuteAffection and touchGottmanQur’an 30:21One line of research

Be firm and warm at once: gentle tone, steady eyes, clear ask. Neither doormat nor bulldozer.

Softness of manner and firmness of content are not opposites. Hold the point kindly.

A minuteAsk and say no wellDBT skillsQur’an 31:19One line of research

Offer school again at ten, and at eleven, and after lunch. One refusal at half past seven should not be allowed to decide the whole day.

Morning dread usually peaks around the time they would be leaving and then drains away over a couple of hours. A child who could not face it at half…

A minuteThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 12:87One line of research

If getting to the appointment frightened you, then you have already done the first hard thing. Walking in and talking to a stranger about yourself is the ladder, not the preparation for it.

Nobody watching later can see it. What they see is someone sitting there talking, and they miss the week of dread and the near cancellation. Say it…

A minuteBeing seen and judgedNarrativeQur’an 4:149One line of research

Your body gets up in the morning and your mind often does not. Half a day can go by in a sort of waking dream, and whatever meets you in it gets the sleepwalker's answer.

So make waking the moment you decide something, before the day has handed you anything to react to. Thirty seconds on the edge of the bed will do:…

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 24:22One line of research

Before someone has said a word, you have often already decided what they are: only here because they were made to come, not really interested, wasting your time. That decision changes how the meeting goes.

The person sent by a court, or pushed into the room by a partner or a manager, walks in already read. Try starting the hour with nothing written: no…

A minuteEquanimity and perspectiveMindfulnessQur’an 9:129One line of research

If you are being assessed for attention, say something about your mood and your worry as well, even if nobody asks.

Anxiety and low mood sit alongside ADHD often enough that a thorough assessment will go looking for them anyway. But shame is quiet, and years of…

A minuteGetting assessed and diagnosedADHD skillsQur’an 40:60One line of research

If someone was adopted, or simply does not know their family history, say early and plainly that this is not a problem. It helps to have and it is not needed.

Otherwise the question lands as one more reminder of what is missing, and some people will spend the rest of the appointment feeling they brought the…

A minuteGetting assessed and diagnosedADHD skillsQur’an 4:28One line of research

Say it plainly whenever you teach anything: the way I am showing you this is not the way it has to be done. Change it until it works for you.

Anyone who has failed at the standard version of something several times will not try again unless they are told clearly that adapting it is allowed.…

A minuteGrounding and settlingMindfulnessQur’an 65:7Long taught, never tested

Before you walk into a room with someone, ask what you are carrying in with you, and what you are likely to leave behind when you go.

State travels ahead of words. A hard conversation an hour ago, a bad night, a piece of news you have not dealt with: any of it will be in the room…

A minuteGrounding and settlingBody basedQur’an 50:16Long taught, never tested

Whenever you offer a standing practice, offer the seated version in the same breath, and mean it. Say plainly that people should look after their own bodies and change anything that does not suit them.

Say it before you begin, not afterwards, so that nobody has to interrupt to ask. If you cannot see the people you are guiding, say that too, and say…

A minuteGrounding and settlingBody basedQur’an 65:7Long taught, never tested

Offer any movement in three sizes: small, medium and full. Let people take the one that fits today, and let them change their mind halfway through.

For a twist that might be a simple reach, or a reach with the other hand placed behind, or loose swinging arms. The three sizes do quiet work. They…

A minuteGrounding and settlingBody basedQur’an 65:7Long taught, never tested

To someone in grief, a short gentle word beats advice or fixing. Say something kind, and mean it.

You do not need to solve their loss. A soft, sincere word lands better than any counsel.

A minuteHelp someone grievingGriefQur’an 2:263One line of research

A kind, clear no is a full answer. You can decline without a long defence.

You do not owe a case file for every no. Warm, brief, and firm is enough.

A minuteHold a boundaryDBT skillsQur’an 7:199One line of research

Every yes you do not mean spends a yes you do. Guard what you commit to.

Saying yes to everything is a slow way of letting yourself down. Protect your real priorities.

A minuteHold a boundaryDBT skillsQur’an 2:195One line of research

Before anyone does something exposing, let them check their own conditions and give them a clean way to say no. A public yes given under pressure is not really a yes.

It can be as ordinary as asking someone to consider whether they have the privacy, the time and the state of mind for this today. Ask it first and…

A minutePractising under provocationCBTQur’an 2:45One line of research

Say it, out loud if you can manage it: I am done for the day. A decision, rather than a slow guilty drift away from the desk.

The hours after a proper clocking off feel different from the same hours drifted into, even when nothing else about them changes. It does mean facing…

A minuteRest and pacingADHD skillsQur’an 73:20One line of research

Before you leave today, find your spouse and say goodbye properly, face to face.

Not a shout from the door. A real parting, a word about when you will be back.

A minuteRituals of connectionGottmanQur’an 25:62One line of research

When you come home today, find your spouse before anything else, and give a full minute.

Before the post, the phone, the fridge. Them first, with your eyes and attention.

A minuteRituals of connectionGottmanQur’an 24:61Seen more than once

Do not let leaving or arriving happen silently.

Today, mark both thresholds. Before you leave, find your spouse and say goodbye properly, face to face. When you come back, find them before you do…

A minuteRituals of connectionCoreQur’an 4:19Seen more than once