Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

What matches

19 practices

Narrow these down

If you take a break from a fight, name when you will come back, and come back.

Give me twenty minutes, I am not leaving this. Then return, calmer, as promised.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 3:134One line of research

For a compromise, name your one true core need, then be genuinely flexible on everything around it.

Separate the small inflexible core from the wide flexible area. Guard the core, give on the rest.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 4:128One line of research

On a stuck, recurring fight, stop trying to persuade. First explore the dream or value behind each position.

Gridlock rarely yields to argument. Set persuasion aside and get curious about what the issue means to each of you.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 3:159One line of research

Before you try to persuade, summarize your partner's position back until they say yes, that is it.

No persuasion lands until your partner feels understood. Interview them, then reflect their view to their satisfaction.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 16:125One line of research

When your partner shares the dream behind their stance, make it safe: listen like a friend, suspend judgment, do not solve.

Your only job is to hear it and understand, not to fix it or judge it. Ask gentle questions and let them unfold.

Five minutes

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

Knowing your partner

Gottman

Qur’an 49:12

One line of research

On a core disagreement, tell your partner the story behind your position: where it comes from, what it means to you.

Behind a firm stance is usually a history and a dream. Share yours honestly instead of just defending it.

Five minutesKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 49:13One line of research

Under every complaint or hard feeling there is a longing. Listen for the wish underneath.

Behind the anger or sadness is a desire. Find the longing and you find what they actually need.

Five minutesListening and understandingGottmanQur’an 3:119One line of research

When your partner is angry, do not take it personally or rush to apologize. Ask what the anger is protecting.

All anger has a goal and something blocking it. Find both. What do you need is a good question.

Five minutesListening and understandingGottmanQur’an 7:199One line of research

When your partner is sad, do not try to cheer them up or fix it. Find out what is lost or missing.

You are a traveler; they are the guide into their own landscape of sadness. Let them show you.

Five minutesListening and understandingGottmanQur’an 12:86One line of research

When your partner is afraid, do not minimize it or reassure it away. Ask what is making them feel unsafe.

To a fearful person, do not worry can feel like ridicule. Take the fear seriously and understand it.

Five minutesListening and understandingGottmanQur’an 20:46One line of research

Do not stay hidden. Tell your partner about your day, your worries, your inner world.

Hiding your reality to protect them keeps you strangers. Let them know you.

Five minutesListening and understandingGottmanQur’an 8:63One line of research

The partner who broke trust answers questions with complete transparency and hides nothing going forward.

Rebuilding trust means an open life: whereabouts, contacts, the truth, offered freely rather than pried out.

Five minutesRebuilding trustGottmanQur’an 9:119One line of research

The one who caused the hurt listens to the pain non-defensively, without excuses, as long as it is needed.

Do not rush the hurt partner or defend yourself. Bear their anger and grief with patience; it is part of repair.

Five minutesRebuilding trustGottmanQur’an 42:43One line of research

Do not try to restore the old marriage. Build a new one, on honesty, transparency, and witnessing each other's truths.

The relationship before cannot be recovered as it was. Aim instead for a second marriage, to the same person, on firmer ground.

Five minutesRebuilding trustGottmanQur’an 30:21One line of research

Aim for real forgiveness that comes with repair, not a cheap forgiveness that papers over the wound to keep the peace.

Forgiving too fast, before atonement and change, buries the injury alive. True forgiveness follows real repair.

Five minutesRebuilding trustGottmanQur’an 24:22One line of research

Name what set you off, then tell the older story behind why it is a trigger for you.

Rewind to an earlier time you felt the same. Sharing that story helps your partner know you.

Five minutesRepair after ruptureGottmanQur’an 49:13One line of research

Choose one small daily ritual and protect it this week. Same time, phones away.

The morning tea, the evening walk, the goodnight. Small, repeated, only yours.

Five minutesRituals of connectionGottmanQur’an 25:62One line of research

Before hammering out differences, start from common ground: what do we agree on, and what are our shared goals?

Name the agreement and the shared aim first. Building from what you have in common makes the rest easier.

Five minutesShared spiritual lifeGottmanQur’an 3:64One line of research

Nurture a sense of we, not I: name what you share, your beliefs, goals, and the life you are building.

Seeing yourselves as a team, with shared values and aims, is a quiet strength in hard times.

Five minutesShared spiritual lifeGottmanQur’an 9:71One line of research