Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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177 practices

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Before treating something as your failure to get going, check whether you ever agreed it was yours. A job that bothers one person and genuinely does not bother the other has not been agreed by anybody.

That turns a stuck task back into a conversation, which is where it belongs. Say plainly that the unpainted wall does not trouble you, ask what it…

Twenty minutesGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 5:48One line of research

Give your spouse one genuine compliment today, specific enough that it could only be them.

Not nice shirt. The way you handled that call was so calm. Precise praise lands deepest.

A minuteGratitudeGottmanQur’an 55:60One line of research

When resentment rises today, name one thing you are grateful to your spouse for instead.

The mind can rehearse grievances or blessings. Choose the blessing, out loud if you can.

A minuteGratitudeGottmanQur’an 14:7Seen more than once

Thank them for one specific thing, today.

Not "thanks for everything." Pick one thing from the last two days and name it exactly: "Thank you for taking the bins out when I was on that call. I…

A minuteGratitudeCoreQur’an 14:7Seen more than once

Thank them for something they do so routinely you had stopped noticing it.

The unremarked, dependable acts are exactly the ones that most deserve to be seen.

A minuteGratitudeCoreQur’an 14:7Seen more than once

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

What ADHD actually is

Your nervous system

Choosing your response

Equanimity and perspective

Shame

Say not just that you appreciated what they did, but what it saved you.

Naming the burden they spared you turns a thank-you into being truly seen.

A minuteGratitudeCoreQur’an 14:7Seen more than once

Praise a quality of their character, not only something they did.

To be admired for who you are, not just what you produced, is a rare and steadying gift.

A minuteGratitudeCoreQur’an 68:4Seen more than once

Send them a message today naming one thing you are grateful for, with no occasion.

Unprompted gratitude, arriving in the middle of an ordinary day, lands especially softly.

A minuteGratitudeCoreQur’an 14:7One line of research

Catch your partner doing something right, and thank them for it, specifically, on the spot.

Notice the small good things and say thanks. Appreciation given often keeps goodwill flowing.

A minuteGratitudeGottmanQur’an 2:152One line of research

Build a habit of mind that scans your partner and your day for what to appreciate, not what to criticize.

What you look for grows. Train your eye toward their good and the relationship warms.

A minuteGratitudeGottmanQur’an 16:18One line of research

Tune to what your spouse is feeling under their words today, and name it gently.

It sounds like that scared you. Responsiveness is meeting the feeling, not just the fact.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:159Seen more than once

Be the first to lower your guard today, even a little, and say something true and soft.

Someone has to move first. Let it be you, with one honest, undefended sentence.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 20:44One line of research

Find the longing under your complaint, and voice the longing instead.

Under you are never home is I miss you, I want more of you. Say the wish, not the jab.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 25:74One line of research

Ask your spouse what is weighing on them this week, and remember the answer.

Not how was your day. What is heavy right now. Then carry a corner of it in your mind.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71Seen more than once

Notice one way your spouse has changed lately, and let your picture of them catch up.

People keep becoming someone new. Ask about the new thing rather than assuming the old.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 13:28One line of research

Learn the one part of your spouse's day that drains them most, and lighten it if you can.

The commute, the boss, the bedtime hour. Know the pinch point, then ease it by a little.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71Seen more than once

Keep in mind one small thing that matters to your spouse, and act on it unprompted.

The tea they like, the worry they mentioned, the date they dread. Remember, then show it.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 2:152One line of research

Ask a follow-up question instead of offering your own view.

Curiosity says you are still worth discovering; advice can quietly say the opposite.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 30:21Seen more than once

Ask what makes them feel most cared for, and then believe the answer.

Our usual gestures are often for the person we imagine, not the one in front of us.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 30:21Seen more than once

Reference something they told you last week, unprompted.

Remembering the small details of their life is quiet proof that they were truly heard.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 4:19One line of research