Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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157 practices

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When you spot a fault in your partner, look for it in yourself; when you claim a virtue, look for it in them.

This assumption of similarity keeps you humble and softens contempt in the middle of a disagreement.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 53:32One line of research

Speak in I-statements about a specific situation. Drop the you-statements, the blame, and the always and never.

I felt worried when the call did not come lands. You are so thoughtless attacks. Stay with I and the specific.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 33:70One line of research

Tell your spouse plainly today that they matter to you, and why.

Not assumed, said. You matter to me, here is one reason. The heart needs to hear it.

A minuteFondness and admirationEmotionally focusedQur’an 25:74Seen more than once

Tell your spouse one thing you respect about who they are, not something they did.

Your patience, your honesty, the way you are with people. Admire the person, not the task.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 49:13Seen more than once

Recall out loud a moment you were proud of your spouse, and tell them so.

That thing you did last year, I still think about it. Bring the good memory into today.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 25:74One line of research

There is more about your marriage than the practices: the your marriage area has the themes and the courses too.

Scan today for one thing your spouse did right, and say it before the day ends.

The mind drifts to what is wrong. Deliberately catch what is right, then name it.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 99:7Seen more than once

Remember one reason you chose your spouse, and let it soften how you see them today.

The quality that first drew you is still in there under the daily wear. Look for it.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 30:21One line of research

When your spouse comes up in conversation today, say something good, or say nothing.

The affectionate word behind their back becomes what you feel to their face. Guard it.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 49:12Seen more than once

Replace one eye-roll or cutting joke today with a word of respect.

Contempt is the slow poison. Catch the sneer and turn it, deliberately, into something kind.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 49:11Seen more than once

Catch one comparison of your spouse to someone else today, and turn it to cherishing.

Not why can't you be like them. Instead, name what only your spouse is and gives.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 20:131Seen more than once

Do not say the small unkind thing about them to someone else.

Today, notice the moment when you could make an easy joke at your spouse's expense, to a friend, a sibling, your mother, the group chat. Don't. Say…

A minuteFondness and admirationCoreQur’an 49:12Seen more than once

Take the sarcasm out of one conversation today.

Contempt is the most corrosive tone in a marriage; its opposite is plain, warm respect.

A minuteFondness and admirationCoreQur’an 49:11Seen more than once

Do not make the easy joke at their expense to someone else.

Guarding their dignity when they are not in the room is a quiet, powerful loyalty.

A minuteFondness and admirationCoreQur’an 49:12Seen more than once

Raise the complaint without the words always or never.

One specific moment can be repaired; a sweeping verdict on their character cannot.

A minuteFondness and admirationCoreQur’an 49:12Seen more than once

Notice the tone you use with them that you would never use with a guest.

The people closest to us too often receive our least careful manners; this gently reverses that.

A minuteFondness and admirationCoreQur’an 3:159One line of research

Counter contempt by building a steady culture of appreciation: express thanks, fondness, and respect often.

Contempt grows where appreciation is missing. Regular, sincere praise is the long-term antidote.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 2:263One line of research

Do not just think a kind thought about your partner. Say it out loud, naming the trait and a real moment.

I love how gentle you were with the kids today. Spoken admiration builds a loving base; unspoken does not.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 14:7One line of research

Give your spouse one genuine compliment today, specific enough that it could only be them.

Not nice shirt. The way you handled that call was so calm. Precise praise lands deepest.

A minuteGratitudeGottmanQur’an 55:60One line of research

When resentment rises today, name one thing you are grateful to your spouse for instead.

The mind can rehearse grievances or blessings. Choose the blessing, out loud if you can.

A minuteGratitudeGottmanQur’an 14:7Seen more than once

Thank them for one specific thing, today.

Not "thanks for everything." Pick one thing from the last two days and name it exactly: "Thank you for taking the bins out when I was on that call. I…

A minuteGratitudeCoreQur’an 14:7Seen more than once