Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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64 practices

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Replace one eye-roll or cutting joke today with a word of respect.

Contempt is the slow poison. Catch the sneer and turn it, deliberately, into something kind.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 49:11Seen more than once

Catch one comparison of your spouse to someone else today, and turn it to cherishing.

Not why can't you be like them. Instead, name what only your spouse is and gives.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 20:131Seen more than once

Counter contempt by building a steady culture of appreciation: express thanks, fondness, and respect often.

Contempt grows where appreciation is missing. Regular, sincere praise is the long-term antidote.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 2:263One line of research

Do not just think a kind thought about your partner. Say it out loud, naming the trait and a real moment.

I love how gentle you were with the kids today. Spoken admiration builds a loving base; unspoken does not.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 14:7One line of research

Give your spouse one genuine compliment today, specific enough that it could only be them.

Not nice shirt. The way you handled that call was so calm. Precise praise lands deepest.

A minuteGratitudeGottmanQur’an 55:60One line of research

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.

When resentment rises today, name one thing you are grateful to your spouse for instead.

The mind can rehearse grievances or blessings. Choose the blessing, out loud if you can.

A minuteGratitudeGottmanQur’an 14:7Seen more than once

Catch your partner doing something right, and thank them for it, specifically, on the spot.

Notice the small good things and say thanks. Appreciation given often keeps goodwill flowing.

A minuteGratitudeGottmanQur’an 2:152One line of research

Build a habit of mind that scans your partner and your day for what to appreciate, not what to criticize.

What you look for grows. Train your eye toward their good and the relationship warms.

A minuteGratitudeGottmanQur’an 16:18One line of research

Ask your spouse what is weighing on them this week, and remember the answer.

Not how was your day. What is heavy right now. Then carry a corner of it in your mind.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71Seen more than once

Notice one way your spouse has changed lately, and let your picture of them catch up.

People keep becoming someone new. Ask about the new thing rather than assuming the old.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 13:28One line of research

Learn the one part of your spouse's day that drains them most, and lighten it if you can.

The commute, the boss, the bedtime hour. Know the pinch point, then ease it by a little.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71Seen more than once

Keep in mind one small thing that matters to your spouse, and act on it unprompted.

The tea they like, the worry they mentioned, the date they dread. Remember, then show it.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 2:152One line of research

Do not win in a way that crushes your partner's dream. Aim for a marriage where you support each other's dreams.

Being right is worthless if it flattens the person you love. Look for how both dreams can be honored.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 2:187One line of research

When your partner shares the dream behind their stance, make it safe: listen like a friend, suspend judgment, do not solve.

Your only job is to hear it and understand, not to fix it or judge it. Ask gentle questions and let them unfold.

Five minutesKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 49:12One line of research

On a core disagreement, tell your partner the story behind your position: where it comes from, what it means to you.

Behind a firm stance is usually a history and a dream. Share yours honestly instead of just defending it.

Five minutesKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 49:13One line of research

Ask one open question about their inner world tonight, and just listen to the whole answer.

What are you hoping for lately, what are you dreading. Questions with no single answer.

Twenty minutesKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 30:21One line of research

Ask your spouse about a moment from their childhood that shaped them, and listen closely.

What comfort felt like then, what they longed for. It still lives in how they love now.

Twenty minutesKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 17:24One line of research

Once a day, take your partner's emotional temperature. Ask how are you doing, and mean it.

Not out of politeness, but because you truly want to know. Small check-ins build trust over time.

A minuteListening and understandingGottmanQur’an 2:83One line of research

When your partner talks, shift the focus off yourself. It is not about being interesting, it is about being interested.

Postpone your own agenda for a while. Tune into their world before you bring yours.

A minuteListening and understandingGottmanQur’an 39:18One line of research

Try to see the situation from your partner's side, not your own. Assume there is a good reason they feel as they do.

Their reality has its own validity. Start by looking for why it makes sense, not why it is wrong.

A minuteListening and understandingGottmanQur’an 24:12One line of research